Love De-Mystified

The day was breaking fast, the darkness of the night before had been dispelled by the dull light of the dawn, it was cloudy but there was a breeze blowing from the East and the clouds would disappear fast too, "damn, but I so liked the cloud these days," there had been times when it was only the Sun for me, if it wasn't there I would scamper in to my duvet and sleep till it came out again.  But obviously something had changed in my top end, "as it was prone to do nowadays often enough," I was thinking of Anjali again, she was a night bird and hated the Sun, it was her responsible for this change more than me, " I would just sit on my hiney most of the times," this hard working lass had brought about an incredible change in me, I was more prone to going out in the night than ever before, would do things that got me out of the comfort zone into realms that were as yet untouched by reality, "and what was reality after all."

I was happy today, I had bought a new car, "a MUV that professed to be an Off Roader," don't we all profess to what we want to be at a later point in our lives, well this Renault MPV, "the ubiquitous Multi Utility Vehicle," was a fantastic drive and the ideal travel device for me.  Anjali was with me all through the day today, and like the change evident in my travelling device, she had reached a decision too, as she told me in the mid afternoon that she wasn't going to be too serious with this new man, there were evidently enough some vast differences in their perception of life, "another obvious question, so what was life ?" though I trusted her with everything and every decision that she would make about her emotional well being would be rational and logical choice.  A question that occurred to me was, "So What Is Love and can be define it ?"

As I saw it, there was no sure shot answers to this one, it was hard to say whether the short lived emotion of infatuation wasn't love, that if nurtured mutually it would blossom into love, similarly, a long turmoil filled life with the one you love might eventually bring out the thought that you had never been in love with this person.  However based on my experience there was one thing I was absolutely sure of, Love was the emotion when the inner child blossomed and understood that one persons existence was more important than anything else in this world, that all desires and thoughts were subjugate to his or her existence, "did it really exist, this feel, I wondered ?"  Immediately, when Anjali mentioned her thoughts on the new man and how she didn't really love him, I spoke about my thoughts of love, "didn't know much except that I had cried a million tears for somebody too," and we connected, whether she stayed with this new man or not was unimportant suddenly, what was paramount was that we connected on this thought and still spoke for long hours on life and on topics as diverse as the whistle blower Edward Snowden to the war in Syria to Dating and Relationships.
If Everyone Cared Then Nobody Died, If Everyone Loved and Swallowed Their Pride.

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A Golden Sunny Day

Anjali was in a relationship again and though I was happy, "and few things did that to me," I was scared as well, the "what ifs ?" were giving me the fright, she had been through one bad relationship to another and it worried me no ends that this one would give her a similar headache, "to say the least."  Every morning when I get up, I feel the positivity of the morning opening up its doors to me, the birds that sing, "well some of them can't," the sound is heavenly and then there is Romeo, the golden lab, to think about, this morning was no different as I walked up to Anjali's house, hoping that she had slept.  Last few days she hadn't been sleeping well, she would stay awake till late night working on her computer and be real sleepy when it came to getting to work, sometimes she would skip our walks, and get up and go straight for breakfast and tea, her mind was in turmoil, the new job where the assignment was still being defined and this new relationship was making her little indifferent to things around her.

She had given her all in the last relationship with a guy who had seemed indifferent to her, "or at least towards the end of it," Anjali had been totally besotted and devoted to him and he had walked out on her without a thought or remorse.  In the best of times, it had been like a "house on fire," the two of them gelled so beautifully that it had made the whole world jealous, "isn't that a nice feeling ?" they had roamed the city from bars to discotheques, painting the town red during the night, they would talk for hours and endless, he had made Anjali really happy for two years.  During those two years she had really blossomed into a mature woman, happy with herself and her life, and now when she looked back, "and she told me this," the mistake she had made was to give her everything to the relation, while she should have still continued to meet her buddies and friends, discuss and analyse it from all directions, a kind of peer support that was all around her and waiting for her to reach out.  During those days of romance she had no time for anybody and nowadays she regretted that.

I had met this guy once and found him to be a very handsome guy, a little immature, but I had held back my opinion, I knew how highly Anjali had thought of him during those days, though it must be said to his credit that he made Anjali happy for two years and kept her away from the mundaneness of everyday life and had made her the woman she was today.  Till date, Anjali had not found a single man who could compare to him and that was the reason that she couldn't get herself fall in love again.  She missed him even today despite having given up on him about eight months back and the pain was evident, that's when I had suggested to her that maybe she needed to fall in love again, to which there had been a loud retort of a "No", "its too early for that," she had insisted that she was still mourning and I had left it at that.

This morning I found Romeo eagerly awaiting me with Anjali, they were both ready to rock and we left for the central park for a brisk, "and it wasn't unusual for me to be brisk in the morning," the Sun was shining and it was going to be brilliant day, the pieces were all coming together for me and the two most important ones were right here with me.  Romeo ran off with Tubby and we chatted like we hadn't seen each other for days, sometimes a good nights sleep can do you loads of good.
It All Comes Together, It Does It Does !

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The Bigger Picture

I sat down to eat dinner with a few thoughts in my mind, "actually there were a million of them," one of them said,"complete dinner and go to sleep," I had just finished a spell binder called "Inferno" and was happy with what Dan Brown had dished out, and it probably was a good idea to go to sleep now with my mind chugging out literary ecstasy.  The other thought was to call Anjali and find out if her date was going fine, I decided against calling, and sat on my favourite couch, "with my hiney finally settled in," the third thought seemed like it would shine in my head bright, "literally be the guiding beacon for tonight, sleep I knew would elude me till I had settled this in my head.  Anjali had been questioning me a lot these days, and these were hypothetical questions, I knew they were questions she needed answers to, her life was moving fast and changing, she wasn't sure it was changing in the right direction and so nowadays had this questioning look on her face whenever she spoke to me, "hell, like I had all the answers," wasn't easy answering these questions and I figured I might be better off just listening to my heart.

In Anjali, I had found the most important person in my life and this third thought I keep alluding had to do with her.  I was mightily attached to her and she knew it too, my proximity to her and our friendship was holding her back from taking the big step towards emotional happiness.  She was a woman who wanted to be loved and though she had found a kind of love with me, I wanted her to take the next big step, of finding her dream man and living happily ever after with him.  That was the stuff dreams are made of, "maybe I was too damn rosy eyed," but it had payed to be an utter romantic, "whats love got to do with it, huh?" I had often wondered about this love bit and got my answers whenever I needed to, I knew how dreams often turned to reality and now had to make it happen for Anjali.  I had my work cut out, she was a tough cookie and wouldn't take anyone's advice or help and I would have to work in the background to build a world filled with dreams for her.

Last night I had been sloshed, "for a change !" and tonight I wasn't going to touch any liquor, I was just going to think of the dreams that life should be made of and how Anjali could make them come true.  Ideally there are only two kinds of people :

1.  People who go all out after their dreams.

2.  People who slowly but surely travel the expanse of the dreamworld landscape.

I fell into the second category, the journey was more important than the destination, the anticipation more important than the possession.  I intended this realisation to come to Anjali, we were similar people, me more sure about my life today than she was of hers, "but hey ! I had travelled the dreamworld landscape remember," and picked up my dreams from it rather than having fixed ideas of what I wanted from life.  Today, I had asked from Anjali the photograph of the man she was seeing, a handsome guy and a caring one at that, he looked a Demi-God from Greece, I had at that moment encouraged Anjali to see more of him, she seemed happy when she spoke to him, he supported her and gave her the encouragement that she required at this stage in life, she wasn't in love with him but definitely inclined in that direction.  

Here is what I was going to do, and though this was no panache for her life but it would make her much more emotionally stable than she was right now :

    a.  Encourage her to party more.

    b.  Encourage her to go out with this man.

    c.  Tell her to dream big.

    d.  Reduce the time I was prone to spend with her.

    e.   And Encourage her to think of herself and her happiness.

With these thoughts to kill my night, I went back to sleep much more peacefully then ever before, "damn this mind required peace to sleep," my heart was in place, what had begun four years back would reach its culmination soon.

To be Nice is Cultivated, To be Honest to Yourself Divine.

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The Tao of Relationships

Anjali had been busy during the day, she had new clothes to buy, some work at the parlor and lots of chit chat to do with her folks, "and you know I had given up on mine," when I reached her place at 5 pm she had just got up from her beauty sleep, "two hours flat, would you believe it ?" and I had to push her to wake up.  I walked into the kitchen, it was teeming with food items virtually every place you looked, "and the refrigerator bore a forlorn look, she had been trying out a new Indian dish and had slept midway, I looked at the concoction and realized what it was, "Channa Bhatura," a popular North Indian snack cooked with chickpeas and fried Indian bread, "and fattening as hell," though I was ready for action, since the Channa was already made, all I had to do was fry the Bhatura or bread.  I quickly rolled out the batter and set the oil to heat up, and then fried the Bhatura while Anjali made some tea and finally after a whole ten hours she had time to talk to me.

She was in a very positive frame of mind, "it always pays to be positive," or so I had believed, till I had hit a depressive phase in life, my depression began with a woman I had met and parted ways with, "isn't that the reason mostly, huh ?" in any case I had felt lost after the relationship had ended, had quit my job with very little savings and then had started to see a psychiatrist, "and he didn't help too much either."  This phase in life had troubled me on and off for almost seven years till I had met Anjali and we had managed to drown our mutual pain and sorrows in double vodkas and self deprecating humor.  Life was so much better these days, I thought, as I ate a portion of the snack, Anjali meanwhile was staring at me, I didn't have to look to know that she had a question on her mind.

And then she popped the question, "what would you do if you met an older woman who you liked a lot but not enough to marry," interesting ! I told her immediately and stared at the Channa for some inspiration, "though most of mine came from the berry tree that overlooked her sitting room window," the little cuckoo on the tree would always give me ideas and put thoughts in my head, "where the hell was the bird now."  I took back the "hell" expletive as soon as it came into my thoughts and then the words flowed.

What would I do ? Well I wouldn't want to hurt this person in any way, since I like her too much, "so why did I like her so much, my mind popped back" I would explain to her the situation and would further tell her that I was not interested in marrying her.  Honesty, in my opinion, always works in personal relationships and all hardships of later on can be avoided by doing so, "damn this mind of mine," I was wondering, these are things that Anjali had herself taught me, so why was she asking me, was it to reaffirm some thoughts in her mind. I did understand that today maybe she needed a Knocking Board, a place in my mind where she could knock the idea around, I also intuitively knew it was about this new man she had met and she was thinking various options - permutation and combinations.  She would reach an answer pretty soon, I was sure, she was good at relationships, both personal and professional and I was here to give whatever suggestion I could.
To direct life would be my dream job.

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The Man-Woman Conundrum - the sequel

Anjali sat down to think about it, and she was asking me for help, "and she had always read me well," she had been seeing this man for a month now, "actually they had been talking on the phone more than anything," he was not somebody she would be seen around with normally, but he seemed like a nice guy, "or so she told me," I was still to figure out what was going on in her head, but I knew for sure that she was confused about certain things and was looking up at me for answers.  Normally when we spoke, "and we could speak for hours," I did most of the listening, "hey I was good at it, really !" and she would speak of what happened during the day and what went went on for long hours at work, who called, what friend she spoke to, she told me everything and we would sit back and analyse the day for her, "and I was good at analysing," I could see she was a bit flustered, a bit confused and a bit of both.

So what was troubling her, I wondered and immediately reached out for my cup of tea, "Coffee for Entertainment and Tea for putting on the Thinking Cap," and I realised she was worried about me for one, she was wondering how I would take it, if she started seeing a man again, "and she hadn't done that since her last break up," well she had gone out with men but not really attached to them.  She and I understood that I was really fond of her, nothing akin to love in the traditional sense of the word, but I wasn't far away, "at least not yet there," and that troubled her.  I understood it instantly, also realised that this relationship between this other man and her was important for her, she had been undergoing what was stress and depression because of an emotionally one-way street relationship she had given her all to, and falling in love again was really important for her.  In a sense of the word, it was important for me too, that she fall in love again, "think again! my mind told me," and I thought again, "why was it important for me ?"

I am pretty chilled out person normally, easy going, happy and at peace with myself and to fall in love was not the essence of my relationship with Anjali.  Relationships are never the same, there are some relationships that are based on the talk, the camaraderie, "the buddy feel, huh ?" and then there others that are based on attraction.  Attraction is not something that can be cultivated, well, it can be provided one works on what attracts certain kind of women, "but damn I was an old man," too content in my own way to take the steps to attract Anjali, as a matter of fact I was happy with my state of affairs with her right now.  Sometimes I thought of her as my daughter,"and she was not young enough to be one though," and sometimes a friend, but mostly we were peers sharing thoughts, I instantly realised that my initially jealousy at the thought of her going out with somebody was purely ephemeral and as I settled down in my couch,"leather, mind you," to write this post I was more and more comfortable with this thought of her falling in love and maybe getting married, "the last thing on her mind though," it would make her happy and that would make me happy too.
Sometimes we love, and Other Times We Love to be Loved.

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The Coping Tool

Colonel Seth is a good friend of mine and Anjali's, he is a retired army officer and lives in the quaint little town of Chandigarh in North India, over the prolonged period of time that we have known him, he has always seemed a toned down, matured, gentleman at all times, "damn, sometimes when I think with him I am just meeting me".  Whenever he is in Delhi it is a pleasure to meet him and entertain him, " and there are very few people I like nowadays".  Last Saturday, he was here again and was at Anjali's for dinner, I turned up later than usual, "I seem to get all my work done on holidays," I had meetings to go to and bank jobs to finish, missed Romeo's walk, "but then Anjali took care of that this time," and arrived a whole half hour late for the scheduled 7 pm dinner.  Normally, I wouldn't bother about being late for a dinner appointment, but Colonel is a stickler for time, "he literally goes red when he sees non punctuality," and since I like him so much I had wanted to be on time too.

I entered the house thinking of excuses to proffer to Colonel and Anjali, "she was smiling as always, almost teasingly," and I looked immediately at Colonel Seth and told him about the traffic on the road, "damn it was busy on a Saturday, huh ?" he seemed in controlled and smiled back, "was he kidding me ?" normally he would be chastising me for being late, "what was different today ?" I wondered and smiled back him blankly, then looked up at Anjali and she hurried me to the bar.  I saw that both of them were well settled with glasses of wine, I poured myself a glass too and joined them on the couch.  Colonel was fiddling with his phone all along, he had one of those smartphones, " I find them so hard to fathom," and he pointed to it and started talking.  What he told me was like a summary of what came on his phone in bullet points and I just had time to memorise five of the points for understanding, "as you would realize it was hard enough trying to jot them down" :

1.  Civilian life is hectic, people are strapped for time.
2.  It can get disorganized because of various logistics.
3.  People tend to forget the value of time, don't remind them, only you know what its worth.
4.  Control your anger by thinking of the time the enemy arrived later than usual, and you had conquered the fortress by then.
5.  Use the delay to de-stress, sip a glass of water or have fruit, talk to people around you.

I was stunned, that's when he laughed and showed me the mobile application he was using, it was called "CopeMechanic" and aptly so, did precisely what it was named to do, the government had been working out means to de-stress war veterans and induct them into civilian life, and what he showed me was a prototype of an application that would help war veterans cope with various anger management issues with civilian life.  Anjali meanwhile took the mobile from Colonels hands and passed it on to me, striking the return key which would take it back to the main menu.  I saw the following heads in the main menu :

       a.  Indiscipline in Society.
       b.  Lack of Time Management.
       c.  Violence.
       d.  Rudeness.
       e.  Lack of Respect.
       f.   Depression

So, when Colonel saw something on the road that angered him, he would only have to reach for his mobile, "as easy as that ?" open CopeMechanic, which linked to a backend database of various symptoms that War Veterans encounter, this database is very comprehensive and gives solutions to coping with various symptoms including anger, depression etc.  A mobile application for war veterans, "freaky idea ain't it ?" and it seemed to work too, the Colonel was totally in control of himself, it did occur to me to mention to him that this application was just a "Coping Tool" not something that would help cure the symptom in reality but held back the comment, "fact was, I liked this application as much as he did," and most of all I didn't want to annoy Anjali, "see, the coping tool seemed to work for me too," she served dinner with me helping out and the Colonels deep laughter ringing out through the room.
He had coped well and so would we now.

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The Waterworld of the Indian Ocean

Agriculture has been the mainstay of India for centuries, almost 80% of the population at one time was involved in it and today almost 50 % of the population is engaged in it.  The green revolution in North India brought with it the prosperity that demanded hard work and the North Indian Farmer was well equipped to handle for it.  Soon mechanisation became the norm with tractors and harvesters seen around the countryside, the seventies and the eighties were the peak years of Indian agriculture which carried on till the wrong side of the eighties.  Then came the depressions and pretty soon there was nothing to made out of the activity, the economy took a beating and for the next twenty years or so, till date the farmer has been turned to a pauper, the farmer suicide rate has gone up and its population is reeling under a severe cash crunch and unpaid loans that drive them to taking their own lives.  The middlemen have become richer and without adequate safeguards from the government, the producer is languishing in poverty, the young generation has deserted the farm lands and made it to the crowded, criminal cities where their simplicity is misused and yet another cycle of exploitation occurs for the next generation.

In times like these, it would make sense for the farmer to be more focused and look for opportunities in specific areas that are more profitable and lucrative.  I spoke to the Director of Marine Technologies of a large aquatic firm in India and here is what she had to say :

Farming of aquatic plants, clams and alligators is as yet an unexplored area in India, we are trying to promote the use of aquatic farms through the governmental agencies and private NGOs', however still a lot work needs to be done for the over-the-surface farmer to understand these technologies.

As I was to learn later, there was huge scope for aquatic plants provided the temperature was right and they could be grown in certain regions of the country.  Clam farming as yet unheard of, was being propagated, I immediately tended to believe that there was potential in this, around the world farming clams has been around since the 1970's, clam production begins in hatcheries where the eggs are produced, there was a potential to produce 1 billion of these clam eggs every year if the government was to promote it.  From the hatcheries or nurseries, the clams are taken in bags to be submerged into the sea and it would take, as I was told, about 16-18 months for the seed to hatch.  Once this period was over the clams could be harvested and taken in cold storage trucks straight to the market place, the business model seemed great and I was wondering about the alligators, "what about them, and how could they help the farmer."

Alligators had once been hunted to the brink of extinction and only now around the world there were alligator farms, Orissa, West Bengal and Tamil Nadu in India, had taken the initiative as well and were promoting Alligator Farms.  Alligator Farms generally begin with the acquirement of alligator eggs from the wild, permits are granted to the Alligator Farmers and it is hard and risky work.  Then the eggs are hatched in incubators and further the Alligators are ready to be harvested in about 20 months.  Alligator hides are much in demand for their fashion value and because each Alligator brings with it, its own distinctive pattern that cannot be matched by any other hide.  Alligator meat is also in high demand as it gives high protein and low Cholesterol food and it is sold in niche restaurants and could be exported to around the world.

It seemed to me from the conversation that the plight of the farmers could be mitigated here provided they were smart enough to recognise an opportunity in aquaculture. It would require a paradigm shift and the government was here to help but most of all, it was important to get a conversation with the farmers going, for them to understand the importance of shifting from land based to sea based farming.
The business potential from the sea is enormous, its the thought the precedes everything though.

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The Panic Attack

So Anjali had a new boss, a woman boss for a change and she hated her.  I had often contemplated the differences between a woman and man as a superior, and more often than not the woman came up trumps, it isn't like I have a bias, however these were the facts that I understood well now, a woman is much more objective in her approach to work and sans the ego that most male bosses are known to possess.  I decided that I would gift Anjali a bottle of wine in lieu of her new job and new boss, I could see she was irritated and annoyed at the time it was taking for her to shift into the new role, "damn they were always so slow," to accept change and the HR department would start to judge and manipulate people around from the induction at will.  I had decided when I was working for the corporate that your fate in an organization was decided at induction, "like I knew too much about the corporate," and would attend all initial trainings enthusiastically.  The benefits of training, Anjali understood well too, she had arrived at 8:30 am, half an hour prior to the scheduled 9 am appointment and located the logistics in the organisation, "didn't I say she was meticulous," the water cooler, the tea and coffee machines, the cafeteria and the guest sit outs to name a few.  This was a small organization as compared to her previous one, "as she would tell me later on," but that didn't give her any jitters, small or big, any job was a job to be done.

Her boss was a well dressed, "and that was an understatement" woman with lot of refinement, she had class to be epitomized and sarcasm oozed out whenever she was angry, like a top notch woman, she wouldn't shout but play with words to make you aware of her anger.  Anjali had observed her for over 2 hours now, dealing with people and had felt a little inadequate, "more of less the word for the feeling," but had stuck on with the training, listening to her talk and her juniors reporting to her.  She thrived in making all around her feel anxious and gave people panic attacks when she spoke, it was almost as if, if they weren't running around her she didn't feel like the boss, even during the training there were at least five other woman and two men, "Anjali had meticulously observed," who were trampling all protocol in an effort to seem busy to please the boss lady.  Now Anjali was a smart worker and a very hard working one at that, she just wasn't the "forever pleasing angel" type and wondered if she would fit in here, after all if she had to run around the boss lady like these butterflies were doing right now, when was she ever going to get her work done.

Workers in organization I classify into four main categories, "and I am no expert like I mentioned before," I have just been an observant servant for many years and these years along with the intuition that I had inherited from Anjali had made me very hardy in evaluating people specifically and organisations in general :

1. The Worker Bees.
2. The Social Butterflies.
3. The Amiable Walrus.
4. The Screaming Hyena.

With these categories if analyse what category Anjali fell into, it would be the Worker Bee and the Amiable Walrus, "a quality I daresay she in turn inherited from me," I had seen her at work, she would get on a project and work non stop for hours, figuring out the intricacy and technicalities of the project before specing it out, constantly smiling keeping her emotions in check while co-workers annoyed her to no ends.  A good worker and an even better disposition, smart brain and one heck of a lady I had on my hand.
Do Well at Whatever You Do and Never Let Yourself Down.

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The Coffee Tete-a-tete

I had left nothing to chance last evening, got a dinner for Anjali, "she was late," taken Romeo out for a walk, "this Golden was alone for most of the day," called up a few friends, "and I really had only a few of them today," and taken my sedan out to the dry cleaners.  Having settled into an evening, I decided I needed a coffee at my favourite cafe, so had walked to my sedan, driven out to the Army Cantonment close by, and ordered for a cappuccino and started to read on the Tab.  In walked a couple, the girl was crying and the guy consoling her with his arms around her shoulders, they sat right opposite me, there was a small argument regarding what to eat and she refused a sandwich and insisted on coffee too.  She had been giving me sideways glances, "I supposed because I was looking at them," and before the guy could order any coffee for her, I got up and approached the counter and ordered a Corn and Spinach Sandwich for myself.  She looked back at the counter as if to say, "because I refused one ?"  and carried my receipt back to my table.  The guy accompanying her had oddly muttered a "thank you" to me "why ?" as he had waited in the queue, I was surprised and had smiled back at him.

As I started to eat the sandwich, I saw that her tears were drying up and she was beginning to calm down, they were sitting in such a manner that the guys profile hid her from me, but there was a wall mirror to the side that allowed she and I to see each other on, she kept looking demurely at the mirror and I was stunned, I realised there was more going on here, "does take a bit for the stun to happen to me," occasionally when I would look at the mirror she would be looking too.  I munched on my sandwich and after a brief introspection of the cup sipped on the coffee, they continued to talk, the status quo stayed for some fifteen minutes with glances shared in the lucky wall mirror and then I started to cough, realising the sandwich didn't go too well with me, on an urge I looked again at the mirror again, she was coughing too, I got up and ordered a cold coffee, "my mind was telling me what the heck, "first hot coffee and now cold, huh ?" took it down to my table and started to sip, in the meantime they had started to work on something, probably were partners on a project and working on some detailing.

Before I knew it, she walked up to me and I looked up at her, "Can I borrow your pen ?" I immediately acquiesced and gave her the pen.  "We are working on a survey and I forgot my pen," I looked around a bit and muttered, "you are welcome."  She continued to stand there and then sat down at the chair next to mine, "Would you like to join us ?" and of course I said yes, "God what was I thinking," I quickly picked up my mobiles and joined them at their table.  They seemed to be working on a survey for young students, something to do with Dating and Relationships in colleges and I was asked for my inputs of the times when I was attending college, I promptly answered them and it seemed to go down well with her.  Another fifteen minutes and I was out of the cafe having exchanged numbers and a promise to keep in touch.
A Lot Can Happen Over Coffee.

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The Woman With A Limp

The only way out of this conundrum was to do something radical, that would change the course of things, "here I was sitting on my hiney and finally thinking," normally I am somebody who would just let things take their own course and not interfere with the natural course of action, however sometimes when the time for procrastination is over and action must dictate over thought.  We wait and wait for something to come out of life and when it does there is stunned silence because it is hard to fathom that some dreams come true, "and I was thinking sitting on my hiney," which dream do I want to come true.  Last night I dreamt about a paradise where there was a sea around me with me lying under a coconut tree, "snap out my mind told me," or that coconut is going to fall on your head,"something to do with Newtons law."

I gravitate towards dreams when my reality is in trouble, "dream on soldier," and then suddenly paradise is not too far away.  As a matter of fact I have been thinking of getting into some "Past Life Regression" Therapy, that would help me understand why thing happens when they happen, not all that we know is known in the present, "like I know my past either," but hypnosis is the way to the past.  Imagine lying on a couch and an expert putting your mind to sleep while they look at the past life and analyse the cause of an emotion or event in the present, "scientifically akin to an Einstein-Rosen Bridge," the dream or hypnosis cuts across the past and creates a bridge to the present, you can peek into the past, walk alongside your shadow and correct what has gone wrong, "is that really possible ?" some say the "Bridge" is the way and soon there will be a technology that will allow this.

Anjali came back a few days back from office all excited, she had made a new friend, Suparna, who had this physical disability, one of her legs had been amputated from the knee below.  Anjali seemed so excited that I just had to dwelve more into this story, "don't you love the more part of it too," Suparna had been married some years back and within 3 months of the wedding, she and her husband had a fatal accident, "fatal for her husband," and she had had her leg amputated.  "She is a fabulous human being," Anjali had told me and I believed her," hadn't seen her this exuberant in days, " obviously she had made a new friend,"  Suparna had been workless, abandoned by her parents and in-laws, in a society where even a minor infringement was a crime, to have lost a husband 3 months after her wedding was considered inauspicious, the grand Indian design of fatality and acceptance had stayed with her for a bit, till she started to dream and thoughts of correcting the one thing she had longed for in her past, a child.  She started to work for a living and now had moved up to the corporate office, despite the artificial limb and a minorly disfigured face.

During these years she had adopted not one, not two but four kids from different background, she had a house full to keep her thoughts at bay, "which I was told weren't too pleasant," it occurred to me that Anjali was a fantastic human being, in a world which sold derision for the physically disabled she had managed to befriend Suparna, despite the animosity of the rest of the office towards her.  It probably wasn't hostility, just an air of derision and mockery for her disability.  There were numerous people in the office who had asked Anjali why she spoke to Suparna, "that woman is funny," "like they weren't," and Anjali had replied back that she liked Suparna.

In this country there very few avenues for the physically disabled to make a living, "hah, living ?" the buses don't have ramps, there are very few wheelchairs at the railway station and people look at them in mock sympathy instead of empathising, snigger at them upfront, the society is filled with people who judge you based on ones looks, the clothes one wear and even the company one keeps.  For Suparna it had been a tough life ever since her husband expired and Anjali had just made it a whole lot easier.
Accept me as I am, I am who I am.

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Rakhi - The Bond Between Siblings

Anjali's brother walked into the room, "damn, he had so little a thought process going," with an air of callousness for everything around him, "like he was the only cat around," Pranab had this thing about alcohol, he was a habitual and Anjali detested this about him.  It was one thing to drink and another to be an alcoholic, I didn't hate the guy but certainly didn't like his manipulative nature, I had known him for a year now and never had he in his life shown consistency for anything, "damn where did I get the word from," be it money, job or women, he just walked through life like he couldn't care and I was only beginning to understand Anjali's disgust or was it despair over him.  For siblings, they were so unlike each other, she was everything he wasn't and so she would advice him on how to manage his finances, his love life and other areas with no success.

Pranab's bike had got stolen the night before and he was running helter skelter today, trying to get an idea of what to do with the situation, I advised him to go to the cops straight away, "and he was against the idea," he had this fixation that he would find the thief on his own, "people get some real strange ideas," finally me and Anjali convinced him that he was better of going ahead and filing a complaint with the cops.  The morning was spent convincing him and then assisting him at the cop station.  So we had a found a friend who was a cop and had got Pranab on the job of filing a report with him.  How did the bike get stolen ? Well,  the cops finally figured that the security guard was involved and though the bike didn't get found, "stolen articles are rarely found," the culprit was identified.

Pranab was a big time manipulator, apart from other things I disliked about him, "which I will go through routinely later," he would try cajole and coax friends and family into doing things they didn't want to.  One particular instance that I remember, he had wanted to get me hooked on to alcohol too, "and I couldn't be hooked to anything," so I casually reminded him that the last time I had had a big binge, it was 4 months back, and I had let go after two beers, "two beers, that's it ?" he had sounded incredulous, "that isn't even alcohol," I had laughed away his insistence that I try alcohol with him and he would show me the alternate route to heaven.  When I had told Anjali about Pranab's idea, she had immediately dismissed the idea as vaguely untenable, "you will not go with him !" she was pretty sure about how much I had to associate with him.

Anjali loved her brother, it was just that she didn't see eye to eye with him over a lot of topics, they would have a great conversation going when suddenly the topic of whisky which so appealed to him, "and sounded absolutely insane to her," would come up and she would start to shout at him.  They appeared to be normal brother-sister except I couldn't place a handle on the exact pulse of the relationship, it was almost as if there was a strong undercurrent that would take the conversation between them to a bitter level.  He wouldn't give up on his thoughts and she was adamant as well.  But more on this later, with Rakhi round the corner, the festival that commemorates the bond between brother and sister, it was on the 20th of this month, I was sure there would be more love than love lost between the two of them.  Festivals always did that to me at least, I forgot the animosity of the past and started bonding afresh.

If it weren't for your love, I wouldn't be me

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The Loco Locomotive

There had been a couple of times in Anjali's life that she had felt totally lonely and desperate to meet people, but this had been before I had met her, "damn, how I wished I had met her earlier," before, when she was seeing this man, totally and fully immersed in his love, "and the damn fool didn't care," it had to happen and it transpired, she rocked into depression when he left her.  I spoke to her about it yesterday, had been avoiding it for a long time, normally people don't want to talk about their failures, "especially in love life," and was surprised, she was very open about it, we spoke about it for long lengths, she still missed him but her life was now moving full steam ahead, "like a locomotive gone loco," the missing part however intrigued me, I realised that she missed him but to miss someone after two years seemed like an enormous love affair to me.

When we see a good thing in life, we normally assume that it's just meant to be ours and want the thing or person to be a part of our life and not let go, despite the fact that it might be a one way street, I thought about it a little more as I turned my sedan into the Blue's bar, the crowd there was enormous and I frequented the place quite often.  I had gone through break-ups in life but nothing as enormous as hers, mine got over within 2-3 months and I was back on track, purely from a man's perspective it seemed outrageous to miss someone even after two years of not seeing someone and I immediately realised the fallacy of this thought, man's perspective or a woman's perspective, did it really make a difference, it was pretty much a unipolar world nowadays and maybe I was assuming I was over this woman I had been last seeing by drowning myself in alcohol, maybe I hadn't explored the length and breadth of the relationship to be as deeply in love as Anjali had been with this man.

Often in life it is presumed that getting over something or someone is the right thing, "like a hill to climb and conquer," why should I get over with a love affair when I love this thought of having been with somebody and the memories are so good that can't be replaced by anyone else.  It is strange but I believe today, "after having met and known Anjali for over three years," that a good ending in life is not guaranteed, we just rationalise it and believe that everything happens for the good, "like an ass in well braying for help," it is only natural to take the help of God almighty, start going to his abode and seek a reason, while the rational thought tells us that the person left us because he/she didn't see us worthy of their love.  It is for people to fight their thoughts of Godly and divine intervention when faced with a personal tragedy, "and I assume I may sound disheartening to some," but having known the full cycle of a love affair from a women's perspective," and benefited for the better because of it," I know that she is somebody who fights this thought even today, knows and finds succour in peers, brings back her memories when her mind is ravaged by thoughts of giving up in a survivalist world.

I too, am a believer today, and look for a love that is undying and ever lasting, "my jaunts to the bar not withstanding," I no longer wait on my hiney for people to come to me, I embrace them, "like I have been well taught," a hurt might be a lesson for the heart but it can only bring tears, the ultimate salvation is to know a love that sustains and unless I try again and again, "you don't give up, she tells me," I might never find it.
Sometimes a cynic and sometimes a romantic, reality is never far away nowadays.

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The Playstation Bunny

Anjali still had guests at her house today, it was crowded when I knocked on the door, "damn you just ring the bell," my mind told me and yet the hand went to the door knocker, it was a largish flat and the two kids and their nanny were having breakfast, Anjali was busy cooking, "some morning this was," I figured I might as well have some breakfast too.  So I sat down with the kids, one of them was busy on the PSP, "at 7:30 am, what the heck ?" some football game, I quietly said hi to him, there was no reply, except for the dull hum of the PSP.  I sat quietly while breakfast was served, she was busy singing and keeping the burner going and I thought to myself, she does sing well, I walked into the kitchen and joined in the chorus, "while the kids continued to their dull chorus."

Anjali did whatever she did very well, she was a good cook and a great singer, she worked well at her job and did admirably at keeping me and Romeo happy, "and that was a feat itself," we would run off to the nearest convenience store and pick up the best of the best groceries and wine and then rush back to the house, "damn her sister's kids, they would be at school," and I was happy that way, I thought for a moment that I was selfish, demanding so much of Anjali's time and then gave up on that thought, "the whole world was selfish," or at least, as I knew it, they didn't care too much about others.  Human's as I knew them were very tired of being themselves and preferred to think of the world comprising of ant's that were to be killed beneath their feet.

I loved equipment and although, the PSP was not one of my favourites, I took it up as a challenge beat this kid at it, so when he went to school, "which he of course did everyday," besides the Saturday and Sunday, I would look up this small machine and start playing a game or two, there was FIFA 2012 that was one of my favourites, and I was becoming pretty good at it, "good enough for a challenge, huh?" in any case I challenged him the next week and we started to play, "even with those ugly headphones on," he was good, and I had a hard time keeping up with him, so I decided to throw a trick or two in, while he was playing I would talk about pastries and coke and that was a temptation I knew it, he would get distracted and then some and concede a goal, "trickery thy name," he would start howling and cursing, "even Romeo would stand startled," by the end of the week I was beating him quite regularly.

I was proud of my achievement with the PSP, and proudly announced to Anjali that I had beaten her sister's kid at it, she was oddly glum that day and I wanted to find out why, so I walked down to the grocers and bought some Pita bread, I knew she liked it and there was some bell pepper waiting in the refrigerator, "would the broccoli and mushroom go well with it," I wondered and started to make a side dish with the Pita bread.  By the time I was done, Anjali was talking sitting on the kitchen table top and sipping from a wine glass, it was work that was annoying her, the bosses and their tantrums.  My advice to her was simple, if you can quit the job, do it, otherwise hang around till you get something better.  Most people abuse their bosses and the boss employee relationship is hardly if ever sweet, but I knew something that most people don't.
Always put yourself first, if you are happy then the world around you is happy.

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The Intrepid Traveller

I came back home last night at about 11 pm, I had been roaming the city for four hours from pubs to cafes, the last cafe I hit around 10:30pm, it was crowded, "that's unusual for a Sunday," people normally get ready for their Monday morning routines starting Sunday evening.  I parked my sedan and immediately saw a group of youngsters crowding outside it, there were loud sounds of "no" almost as if they were there to distract me from my purpose, "like I had a motive to being here," I was looking for some Irish coffee and this seemed like the right place.  As I entered the cafe, I noticed that there were only women inside apart from the two guys at the counter, one fair enough to put the Alaskan snow to shame, "never been there though," and the other a darker swarthy looking chap, both of them towering over the crowd, tall and well built, I immediately felt dwarfed by them, "like Hitler facing his troops," I walked up to the counter, ignoring the swarm of female noises, chatting and laughing and asked to be served.

I have always liked Irish Coffee for as long as I remember, its bitter in its flavour, yet with whipped cream it gives the sweetness to the mouth unimaginable, most things I like in life are like that, "damn and very few remain now," the bittersweet feel of "I miss you" takes the cake.  Speaking of which I suddenly remembered the muffin that I wanted was in the display, brought out a quickfire Rs 500 and bought the package.  "Takeway or dine in" said the man, and "takeaway" I told him, I thought it much better to eat in my sedan tonight.

Intuition is a remarkable feeling and yet a funny thought that comes to my mind, "its for the unrealistic," when you trust it, it takes away the logic from all our decisions.  I classify human thought process into two largely holistic categories :

1.  System 1 : Intuition
2.  System 2 : Logic

Trust Intuition for too long and the logic faculty of the brain may take a beating, and vice versa, a balanced approach is to tackle all thought, with logic fine tuned by intuition.  So here I sat in my sedan, and measured the amount of sugar I wanted in my coffee, tore the paper satchet and measured exactly 10 mg of brown sugar and watched it sink into the cream, then used a stirrer to mix the potion and kept the paper cup in the cup holder accessory.  My sedan has all the makings of a traveller, it has a bluetooth device for talking while on the move, a small refrigerator in the boot to stack up cold drinks and water, an inverter that converts the DC voltage of the battery to AC for various equipment chargers as also mobile holders to name a few.  It has a high fidelity Pioneer music system which plays CD/FM/ and USB-IPOD slot.  I had a vanilla car when I bought this one and had it modified to suit my demands of "wandering".

And I am an intrepid traveller, my mind conjures up places I would like to visit and the sedan is the vehicle of choice, fitted with equipment that aids in the travel.  Everybody travels, "some intrepid and some less so," some in their minds and others in their cars.
Its all in the mind, intuition and logic

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The Chesire Cat

Last night was a full house at Anjali's house, her sister's kids stayed back, "damn her !" and I had to miss my customary walk with Anjali and that made me disoriented, "like a tubby without milk," but then that's what families are for, to help each other out and solve problems for one another.  Anjali was happy, "and my anger not withstanding," that made me happy.  Romeo was like a lost lamb in the house, too many people, "just like me," had the Golden Labby bemused, " he obviously didn't know the word angry," so we went off to our walk together looking for succour amongst folks that we didn't know, people who smiled at the sight of the two of us loitering around.  Then Romeo found his companion, another Golden called Tubby, "and I was left to sit on my hiney," while the two of them scampered around the park chasing each other, throwing the pigeons in disarray.

I watched the two of them play, thinking of going around for a quick run, and then gave up the idea, "the idea of sitting on my hiney," though unappealing, was a fertile ground for a mind to wander, "and I was in a mood for it."  I suddenly realised that I had become a wanderer in the real sense of the word, I found pleasure in travelling, I had fixed spots around the city that I loved to frequent, talk to people who were of a similar Wanderer Mindset, enjoyed the mind games that went around in the cafes, during the day and bars in the night interspersed with restaurants.  I was considered a local with many of these places and they knew me on first name basis.  I liked Irish Hot Coffee, wanted it with vegan sandwich in the morning, cappuccino in the mid day followed by lunch at Subway and the evenings at the Blue's bar where the conversation was rampant and the pulse of the night life evident.

It was evident most people think of an outing to comprise of friends or family or they wouldn't go out alone, "whoever did that huh ?," and I in total disagreement to that, I could roam the city all day alone and not feel the stress of being alone.
I classified people wanderers under four categories of loneliness :
1.  You had always liked being lonely all your life - introvert, pervert, chip on the shoulder early in the childhood
2.  Forced by situations to stay away from people - they hurt you, have deep scars, cultural issues etc
3.  Off late you have turned lonely and like it - age brings it on, the grumpy old man/woman
4.  You have turned lonely and hate it - miss someone, can't get over him/her, unable to think of another relation.

Probably the loneliest thing in the world is to be alive when that someone you miss isn't even aware of it.  Now this may sound hypothetical, "for instance does it matter to loneliness who you miss," and I am sure it doesn't.  You are lonely because you are lonely and you are lonely, alone.
The Wanderer may be the new Lonely Planet

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The Dream

It was another rainy morning, and Anjali was beginning to feel cold and unwell in this weather, she almost never liked this weather, "my point being who did," the rains brought with them this ominous feeling of dampness and I was almost certain that she was going to be down with fever for a day or two.  She sniffled her way to a breakfast that I had cooked for her, sneezing and coughing, I had brought her a non narcotic cough suppressor and she like a child refused to have it, "as if I felt pretty grown up nowadays."  But I did pamper her to the best of my ability, cooking breakfast and taking Romeo out on walks, I did realise how important her dreams were to me, "left alone I was the proverbial old man," so I got myself up every morning in the hope of catching a dream, her dream and making it come true.

My thoughts went back to the time when I had first met Anjali, this was a long time back, "damn, my memory doesn't favour me these days," and I had left a rose at her doorstep in the night hoping that she would catch a glimpse of it in the morning.  I wonder if she ever did but the garbage man sure did, later on when I had told her about it, she had laughed her guts out and I was as grumpy as ever, "grumpy and amnesia, a fine combination."  She had agreed to go out for a movie with me, "don't know what this amnesiatic mind wanted," and I forget now, but then I was a few years younger and dreamt of a racy future, "a'la pretty woman," I am sure Julia Roberts would envy Anjali those days.  She was perfect and a rich man's dream - honest, forthright and down to earth not to say beautiful.

What is it about humans that they seem to want to make a rosy picture out of anything, for instance, Dream 1 - the rich man wants an honest, forthright down to earth woman, "now isn't that just perfect," and this despite the fact that she may be a total misfit she is in his social life and downgrades his profile, this is the mind trickery enacted by too many Hollywood movies.  The movies create images in our mind which probably are alright if interpreted by the logical mind which is discerning, "aah! and common sense which is not so common these days."  Dream 2 - "And they happily rode away into the sunset," another rosy dream that has very few takers nowadays, "certainly not me," so here I was, thinking of the romantic angle when I had first met Anjali, and how that dream had evolved and changed over the years made me wonder about the TDH phenomenon, "Tall Dark Handsome," the Story Books had evolved over the years.

It was the birds and the bees that made the world go around, and love might decide to play its part, though I deciphered Romeo wanted to play "find the cuckoo again," and we walked out to find the cuckoo.  Romeo was becoming attached to me now, he understood that we shared the same feeling for Anjali, we were totally and madly devoted to her, "though I am sure me less than him," he was a devout, sat at her feet and slept, hopped on to the bed whenever she felt depressed, like today, would go off like a mad hatter after the crow and bark his head off at the slightest whisper of uneasiness in the night.  He was the perfect companion for Anjali and isn't that what we all wanted from life, a perfect companion, a friend, a buddy, a companion, somebody to share our dreams and fears with, that to me is the perfect relationship.
The Essence of Life is to Just Be.

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The Bond Of Love

The Night Life in the city wasn't mind boggling, yet it exists, "like I exist too!," the days were getting much shorter which was nice, I preferred the night to the day, "I might have been the night cuckoo."  Anjali was very much a day person, getting up in the morning, her daily routine all set, "sometimes it was baffling," I had read in some scriptures that, "getting up in the morning allowed us to control the day," and the times I got up late in the morning I would curse the scriptures,"I believed in them as much as I believed in Santa."  Anjali had got a new job, a daytime shift and she was willing to experiment with her routine, which included me nowadays.  I was happy to be a part of her life, being much younger, she brought with her the zest for life and it touched me,"normally I was the canary in a coal mine," but with her around I was milling around, talking to people and meeting new folks with aplomb, and I did meet an incredible number of new people.  There was Lucy, who was the latest addition to my guide on the city, " the proverbial whats happening where variety," she was an encyclopedia on the best pubs and discs in the city.  Lucy was younger than Anjali, though I had realised immediately that I was probably a younger copy of her, the same vivaciousness, the verve and go getter attitude that was so hard to pin down.  Lucy could make your heart beat much faster that the clockwork did in a minute,"aren't there 60 seconds to it," or so I thought, but my heart told me a different story, but more on that later.

Anjali walked in after a hard day at work with a smile on her face, she brought some Almond Tarts and Starbucks coffee with her, she had earlier called me from the office and told me to bring some Chinese Chopsuey, which was her favourite, "she was the best," I had unlocked the door to her apartment wondering what was the occasion.  I knew how dedicated she was at work, she worked hard for her money, "Diana Ross would be put to shame," and normally she preferred cooking at home to relax her, she would fuss over the chicken or the meat loaf, pulling condiments from her cupboard looking to marinate the piece, the non vegetarian stuff was always to pamper me, she herself had turned a vegetarian, "who does that nowadays."  Or so I had presumed till she recited to me the "who is who" list of people who were turning vegetarian in our circle.

Now I have nothing against vegetables but the thought of a meat free diet made me go weak, my knees would start trembling and arms would shake even at the thought of lifting something as light as a glass of water, "H2O for the soul ?" I was a die hard meat and fish lover, somebody who believed in the theory of survival, "didn't I survive my separation from Anjali."  During the times of this separation, I had realised where I had gone wrong immediately, I had wanted more from her than what she was willing to give me at that point in time, we were buddies and she had wanted that bond, of friendship and caring to stay intact, it was more precious to her than an affair that might fizzle out sooner than later to be taken over by possessiveness.  Gradually as I progressed through the separation I understood the merit of her argument, " and we had had a mighty big one," see, friendship was a precursor to love, but hey ! hold your horses right there, not all friendships developed into love, "and we aren't hoping for that either, are we ?"

Normally people chose their friends based on certain criterion and their partners on some others, not all friendships developed into love though I believed friendship to be a much stronger bond than love.  Love is over-rated and over hyped, infatuations are rampant in the youth, short lived love affairs of the 30's are not so uncommon either, Heart Breaks and Divorces, while the bond of friendship lasts through the rustiness of age and zealousness of youth.  A love affair should probably have everything a friendship does, "never does though," but not the other way around, friendship is to me is much more resilient.  It lasts through the turmoil of love, offers support and caring, though some people may find it hard to believe that a man and woman could only be friends, but I suppose that's just a closed door attitude to new evolving trends in relationships.
I Trust This Intuition of Mine Now, Do You ?

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The Mystery Friend

Anjali went on holiday during the March of 2013 and while I waited for return, I met a very interesting personality, "as interesting as they get," on one of my trips to the mall.  As I walked out of the M&S store, I momentarily stopped, "forgetful that I am," thinking I had forgotten a shopping bag in the store, when I heard a whistle, "no it wasn't the runaway Mumbai Express," it was Lucy, she was standing on the parking area and for a stranger, strangely enough whistling at me.  I smiled to myself, now I am not the kind of guy who gets whistled at often, "I wasn't going to miss this opportunity," is what I told myself, coolly walked to where this girl with Chinese features was standing and smiling at me.  I smiled back, "Me ?" and she nodded her head in agreement, I was faintly stunned but decided to go ahead with the game and asked her, "do I know you ?" to which prompt came the reply, "what you doing this Friday night ?" now I am not somebody who gets whistled at on the street often, "hell no, never," its just that I was in a mood tonight so asked her directly, "what did you like about me at first glance ?" the answer was hilarious, "You are hairy."

So we got into my old sedan, did Lucy and I, and heady off to have croissants at a nearby shop, my heart skipped a beat, she was beautifully, a striking face with round eyes and long straight silky hair and I on the other hand was just that, "hairy," and though I was laughing inwardly at her statement, she was funny, beautiful and seemed like a vixen.  We sat down to eat and talk, "like I always knew what to say to a beautiful lady," I complimented her on her beautiful hair, "and that wasn't the only thing beautiful about her, but I didn't want to jump foot in my mouth.  She loved to talk and so did I, "was I going to make another friend here," I had this penchant, I made friends easily and that was decidedly a talent, she on the other hand seemed hell bent on the Boyfriend - Girlfriend story, somebody had once told me the difference between a "Girl Friend" and "Girlfriend", seemed to me she was looking at me as a "BoyFriend", and for once I was interested.

A lot of people go through their lives without experiencing the emotional upheavals that form so much a part of it, in fact people avoid it, for the last 6 months I had experience an unprecedented range of emotions from sadness to happiness, every day brought with it a new emotion, I knew now the shades of happiness, the greys that were present apart from the ubiquitous black and white.  I could be happy at one time to being very happy at others, irritable at some to really moody at others, life was changing in a myriad of ways and I was happy to be part of it.  Lucy had brought new enthusiasm into my life, a touch, a sudden feel of mystery and the unknown which I forgotten about long ago, it was these moments that made life worth living.  The croissants were delicious or so she told me, I was too busy analysing my own emotions to notice the taste of the delicacy.
Just Enjoy The Moment, Live It Fully While Its Still Around.

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Winds Of Change

The winds of change were blowing, it was obvious to anyone that my life had changed tremendously since the last three months, the sorrow and despair was past and there was a new hope around me, I could sense that a big change was around, it was only a matter of time before it all combined.  I had been roaming last night in downtown Delhi, when suddenly it came to me, it was party time here, the drunk were roaming the street Scott free, "no I wasn't drunk," it was obvious though that a hell of lot other public was,"and driving too," this was the first thing that had to change in this city.  To change from a city of drunkards with no respect for women, where it was common to read about rapes of 3-4 year old girls, would take an enormous effort.

I had seen this city since childhood, we had lived a free childhood, roamed the streets alone and found out every nook and cranny in city buses, those were days of wonder and never did I ever have to worry about my safety, it was a very safe town, "these days kids are as safe as a home mouse on a busy street."  Anjali had once told me she had once had an opportunity to go to a rave party during her college days and had declined it, "huh ? why," so I got a little bit of dope from one of my friends and we decided to try it in house.  I was told you first roll it and then lick it close and then at the first opportunity light it up, so we did just that, sat on our couches and lit it up.  After a few drags I started to talk, "it takes little for that to happen," I told her that me and a couple of friends had once decided to go on a double date when one of the girls had backed out, so it was just the three of us, we were still undecided when the other guy decided to force this issue, he convinced the girl that I didn't want to come and asked her to come with him alone.  This girl turned out to be smarter, she couldn't believe that I would back out and decided to call me and find out, "and lo behold," I told her I had not made any such withdrawals and she invited me to the outing.

Anjali was enthralled by this story, she knew me and understood my point of view, "so why did this other guy play this game," I figure he had hots for the lady and wanted her company alone, not to mention that she called me in and I did agree to go out for the outing with them. The other theory that comes to my mind is that maybe this guy didn't like me too much, but I always thought of him as a friend, "and they damn well come in all sizes and shapes," it was reasonable to assume that I could have been wrong, in any case we went out for the evening, "and Anjali was lapping it all up," knowing fully well what this other guy thought of me.  We had a nice time, the three of us chatted and ate and drank, and it finished off pretty well.  I did think about questioning his intentions at that point in time but then gave up on it.
Feel the undercurrent, its called intuition.

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