Living on no:1 dream street - A fantasy

Just a few years back, actually a couple of them, I met this gentleman from my past, like a haunting and a ghost, an apparition from my past.  Hadn't seen him for good 22 years and yet he didn't seem to have changed.  The only thing that had changed was his luck.  Lets say that his luck had totally deserted him.  Don't we have times in our lives that our destiny seems to be going one way and we the other.  Well that was him for sure and still living in the past trying to correct what went wrong.  I believe he was sure that eventually life would catch up all the people who had committed a wrong towards him.

Me, well I just live in the present and the future, the days of story telling are long gone, a thing of the past when I was much younger.  To me it did seem to be curious match when I decided to start work with him but I figured a friend is a friend and so what difference would it make if I worked with him as opposed to another guy who was just a businessman.  Well it seemed to go alright till the day we started deciding on who was going to be doing what or who had done what.  We went a long way back to the day when we would lug our schoolbags to school and back.  When things started to go wrong, you could say because of ego issues, is when I decided that I must fight this man.  So what is a battle, is it a physical entity that we all have to deal with, or is it just a modern mental state where we stand up for what we believe in and then walk with our head held high.

I had been taught this by another very dear friend of mine and I do believe she is the one who gave me this strength to build my faculties mentally and fight when required, always with my head high.  After all if I don't have the ability to toughen my mind then there is nothing that can be of any value to anybody.

Slowly and Steadily we will control

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Best Friends Forever

There comes a time in our lives when we realize the futility of trying to correct a monumental wrong. Let bygones be bygones and continue living within the confines of our narrow dogmas and viewpoints.  Isn't it amazing that even narrow mindedness has its advantages.  You can get into the mode and it will restrict you from thinking out of the box, just a total shutdown of the system. I love the thought of going out with a friend who will trust me and understands me for who I am.  Imagine the thought of total bliss and happiness at the expense of your dogmas.  What a wonderful thought, like the dream of the poets when they wield their literary sword to slice through what is or what isn't, and really that doesn't matter, because our dreams are what create our worlds. Isn't it strange that most people believe that a man woman cannot exist with the implication of a best friend.  I miss the times I spent with my best friend, I mean afterall do candle light dinners really matter if I can pull on the plug for a dry martini with my best buddy.

You know, this thought of best buddies has always been rift with debates in my mind.  Most of my best buddies have been the opposite sex, men to be more precise.  I have been able to gel with them at the most basic level without any other thought intruding into it.  Though some relations have soured most have progressed reasonably well.  Only recently I have been able to accept that fact that I want a buddy relation with a man without man-woman angle intruding into it.  Take for example, being able to share suttas and chai or even a meal, have a hearty laugh.
We are what our lives make us to be

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A Boys Dream

How many times in our life do we have that dejavu moment, the moment that defines and defies everything else we have experienced in our life.  That moment that says, forget everything else, this is it.  The last I had it was a couple of months ago, there was nothing in the moment, probably a casual touch, and yet my mind had raced trying to explain to her that "don't trust any guy, not even me when it comes to these casual games".  It took a while but I think she did understand what I meant and literally went about changing her life.  I am happy, really happy because I finally know who you are.  I think these moments bring tears to my eyes because all there was a casual touch and yet it brought down all my walls, brought my character to the fore.  "This is who I am" kind of statement so hard to find in this world.

He is the man of my dreams today, everything I want is there in him. Even though morality has nothing to do with who one is in life, ethics and values are two things most important to him.  If there ever was a time when I didn't trust him, those days are gone.  These are fine times and there might be romance in the air, the season when cupid blesses all of us with the ability to give and take emotions from each other.  Oh the smell of fresh air, of blossoms and lilies, the stuff that dreams are made of.  These are the times when I feel hope gain momentum in my mind, for I really miss you.
A boys dream

 

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Money don't buy you everything

Roaming the streets of London, here's what I found most interesting.  They not only allow you to roam without fear, but also very little amount of money is required if you are willing to trek it out.  I even found a rickshaw puller near oxford street.  Imagine a white man lugging you around in shorts and T-shirt.  I always thought of rickshaw pullers wearing lungis and kurta.  On the other hand, these pullers not only looked real suave and slick shaven they were also well perfumed.  "Hey boy", I hailed the puller in my English and he said "where do you want to go ? "  "To the theatre boy" and off we went pulled by this young English boy who looked right of the country.  It was but a short 10 minutes drive or should i say pull to the theatre from the tube station, very much more pleasurable than any other I have seen in any state in India, including Calcutta.  The environment is pollution free at least in the theatre dominated areas of Covent Garden.

Wasn't it the other day that I saw the grand old man of Indian theatre, now sadly no more, M.F. Hussain in Lyceum.  This was just as I was about to enter the theatre, and the show running which one was it, let me think, I think it was "Mama Mia" that famous classical on which there have been so many renderings.  He looked at me and said good evening sir, and amazingly it was him who recognised him rather than me.  M.F.  hadn't aged even a bit.  In any case "Mama Mia" was a classic and so were the various cast members of the show. 

That brings me to the point that howsoever we look at the world as a classic it is really the quantum theory that defines how it functions.  It really is no wonder that instead of calling Mama Mia a classic I should be calling it a Quantum Magnum.  Wasn't it a magnum that defined the classic .307.  It is a great feeling to realise that the world is no longer classic but quantum.
All of my world in my cup of tea, fluid and dynamic

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What Gives me hope

Choices make a dream,
The impossible dream come true

So I have been told I have to dream, and I did again last night.  It was kind of hard to dream normally.  I think I have stopped dreaming but yesterday was different.  I slept on for good twenty hours yesterday in the hope that I would get a good dream going.  Here's is what happened, around the 7 hour of my dream, I felt something knock in my head, and it was screaming like the scream of banshee.  Didn't realise what it was so kept on sleeping, then around the 8.5 hours found the shriek coming back, my mind was in a tizzy it was so real.  Wanted to get up and find out if somebody was actually going through this or was it all being built up in my mind.  But I didn't get up, after all it was supposed to be my dream day.  Slept for 20 hours and apart from the dream mentioned above it was soundless, not a thought in my mind even of my lover lying in her bed and ill.

Lovers and friends we have been for a while now, its not an easy reconciliation to know that the marriage that I had held so sacred when I got into it, I had always been "a one man woman", was on the rocks.  When I divorced him my son was like a lost lamb, he carted along besides me missing his papa.  Papa was no longer around, but who was around was this man around whom I wanted to build my life.  He was still married and yet as a friend found time for me and my son. Truly speaking my state of affairs at that point of time were really in a bad shape and I was sad and depressed.  I continued to work as I have non-stop for now well over 20 years.  This life brings only pain to me, if only there was a way to reconcile the differences between me and my husband at least for my son. 

Then came the break I had been waiting for, a job in the USA with one of the premier companies and that changed everything, my whole life that had been centralized around my family saw people moving in disarray as they realised that I would take the decision and move.  I moved to the USA to start a new life, it held all the wonders of a child seeing life in new light.  USA was a dream come true, no one knew me here, I could start afresh without the background to hold me back.  More on this later.

This life makes me lie

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Whats in a little bit of love

She loves me
yea yea yea

Honestly speaking, I had never been in love.  The cold frost that I was, it was hard for me to love anyone.  I think I fell in love with the idea sold in Mills and Boons.  I wasn't in love but thought that I was in love with love.  Seen many a lives getting spoiled because of this fake consumer love.  I am a firm believer that real love is very hard to come by and when it does, it probably makes sense to not let go of it, no matter what the consequences.  Speaking of consequences, what difference does it make if people castesize us and lambast us over who we love and how we love.  When I was 25 I fell in love with this idea of love and got married to this consumer dream girl.  The marriage went on for a while but hey it wasn't supposed to be.  The kids they are all fine now and so is my ex misses, the only person drastically affected by all this is me.  If you understand "primetime" as a verbose term then you would understand, that my primetime was utilized by fakeness and unreal expectation borne out by a consumer world.  My wife never understood me and neither did my kids.  Life just moved on from monetary goal to another till we broke apart.

He was I believe in love when he got married, maybe it never occured to him to judge the amount of love that he got in return.  See, there is a law of quantification that applies to love as well.  You could say that he didn't get enough love in return for what he gave.  He was like a forlone lord forsaken by his own disciples for transgressions that he never committed.  I fell ill when I first realised that I was in love with a married man not to say a man with two kids to take care of, I myself was divorced and had no hangups.  Sometimes we see life from another angle and it makes much interesting reading.  I think its called changing your perspective.  Afterall he was a fine man and why should I not love him

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