My two babies are growing up so well. Like darlings infact. It was just yesterday that I was feeding them cerelac. And today they ordered their first meal from Mcdonalds. Life has changed in myriad of ways, some I understand.. Mostly, I can see the first step and not the whole staircase, seems like only yesterday that I was carrying my older baby down the staircase when I slipped. My world had almost come crashing down, what if I had lost him. My mental agony at the thought is stronger than the physical pain of the wound I had suffered. All is well, and yet the thought tortures me even today. what if ..... ? Bad memories are like scars, they scald and singe the brain everytime we go back to them. The masochist would take pleasure in it and revel in the pain and I do understand that bad memories need to be revisited to sort out the mistakes of our past or we might repeat them. However, all of us especially the re-borns have a protective shield around them. Its like they have an angel who protects them, and watches over them. I have had angels watching over me too. Its like somebody wants me to live, isn't that strange, I would like to die but somebody even today, and I am old enough to choose death, doesn't want me to go. What is it that is holding me back in this world is uncanny, I serve no purpose here and yet this force refuses to let me go. Its like two hearts living in the same body. One wants to go and the other says I will not let you go.
I have been involved in some gruesome accidents myself, some pretty nasty, like the one I had with my wife back in 1997, I was driving and the car skidded out of control on the Gurgaon MG road. We were on our way back from gurgaon, and there had been just a speck of oil on the road. I wasn't speeding and those days seat belts weren't the norm either in India. Can you imagine our condition inside a Maruti Suzuki 800, the indian equivalent of a mini, this small thing can take a bang, however it ain't easy when it overturns and both the people inside are tossed around. Suffice to say that we survived with minor bruises and so did the car. So much so, that people who saw the accident were amazed at how we had survived. Well wishers and well meaning people are there to watch the show, impotent to do anything when the tragedy happens. But it is the fear of HIM that moves the earth, rivers, clouds, the sun and moon and to enact a tragedy is but a small feat for him. Like I said in a previous post of mine the messenger of death hover all around us, it is but his word that keeps them away.
Then there was this other home accident about 2 years back, which should have crippled me, as I fell down the stairs, all of nearly 10 steps cemented and tiled, badly injuring my ligament tissue. Worst scenario was that there was no one at home, folks were in Australia enjoying a holiday. Survived it too, it doesn't take long to understand the ways of the lord. I had friends who helped out then, some by talking and comforting, their genuine concern was enough to spark a mental revival, and others by being there for the hospital ride. Suffice to say that it was such a bad knock that it took 3 months to heal and even after two years of that accident, I still feel the pain occassionally. I serve no purpose here, my friend, unless it is to help somebody out.
Please Use me, my friend, I am here for you, whoever you are and wherever you are.
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