The Waiting Lounge

I had been waiting for this for a few months, the fact that people often mistake the wait as inertia was well known to me, sometimes no matter how hard we try, there is a wait time to everything.  I had been anticipating Arun's comeback for two months now, and as I sat at the waiting lounge of the airport, my phone rang, it was Arun, he was running late by 15 minutes, "damn, the slacker," he was always late, the flight was in 1 1/2 hours, "forget your boyish errands," there was an emergency here, we had to talk to sought this out."  I had often wondered what he loved about me, I was a regular gal, sophisticated and yet simple,  "of course that didn't mean anything," cause it was always in the mind for him.  The last I had met him, "damn that meeting," he had continued talking about work, about his present status ever since we had broken up, which was more like four months back, "time it sure crawls," I wasn't over him but it sure seemed like he was.

He arrived dot at 9:15 am, walked in, caught my eye and walked straight up to me.  I wanted to talk and he wanted to make up.  "Surprised ?" I caught myself asking, and thought, "what the heck for," he wanted to get back to the same status we were at before we broke up.  "I have moved on," I caught myself before it spilled out, "of course I wanted to get back with him, suddenly my mood brightened up, " damn why does it always happen," with him around I seemed to be on cloud nine.  While I was still dreaming of what he had said, he looked over at my phone and took it in his hand and started scanning the messages. "Whats this ?" I knew what was coming, he had seen the only message that Karan had sent me over the few months in which he had expressed his love for me, "me and my silly sentimental heart," I had decided to keep that message, and the way my luck was progressing these days, "here we go again," we were going to have another break-up.

As it turned out, Arun became nasty and within minutes of arriving and perusing my phone, he started to abuse Karan, even threatened to call him and tell him all about me and himself, the more I had thought of making this meeting amiable, the more it was getting out of hand.  I started to cry thinking that making a scene would stop him, and it did, he immediately walked out of the waiting lounge.  I managed to calm myself down, remembering I had a flight to take in one hour, went to the ladies room and freshened myself up and tore up Arun's photograph and deleted his number from my mobile and boarded the flight.  I would handle this now, without a doubt in my mind.
There is always a purpose to things, if the mind can investigate it.

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King of Good Times

I lay down on the bed dreaming, it was my birthday today, I had turned 40 this summer, four decades "incredible how over rated birthdays are," it was just another day for me, I was thinking to myself, I didn't have a job, my savings were dwindling, "the cash registers had stopped making a noise," friends were gone, "thank God for that, the Leeches !", apart from a few that had stayed through my bad times, "thats what they call a life's lesson learnt," in any case the bad times would go too, just like the rains do every year leaving the Sun behind.  I got this whiff of something baking at the neighbours, a cake being baked at their house while everything was quiet at my base.  I didn't want to go out too much, it was sunny, "too damn sunny," and the thought of going out gave me "summer goose pimples."

It was almost as if, today the world had stopped, people called to wish a birthday, but the people whose calls I really wanted to receive weren't there in my life.  The world had changed from being an immensely friendly place to live in, to a total disaster for me.  It was very unlike me to be cooped up in the house on any day, forget about the birthday, but I wanted it this way this year.  I wanted to finally feel this pain that I had managed to subdue within me, this loneliness that stems from people who go from your life when you don't want them to, and especially the ones who you want.  These calls that I was getting was from people I regarded as strangers, not even acquaintances, people on facebook, other social networking sites, people who could read my birth date on the digital calendar and then call me.

These days I ruminate often, and regret too, "almost like a frog in penance," leap to any opportunity to make a change in my life.  I do believe good times will come, "seen the new Kingfisher advertisement," Shane Warne is looking extra smart and natty when he says, "Hindi mein bolo," 'read "Speak in Hindi." How about buying a case full of Kingfisher Beers for the birthday, drink at least 6 of them during the day, "the king of goodtimes hmm ?"  The most unlikely heroes in my life, "for instance Shane 'THE KING' Warnie," are heroes to me not because of what they did in their productive life "bowled Warnie,' and I am sure Ian Healy would tend to disagree with me, its what these guys achieve after they peak, " the only way from the top of a hill is down."  For the next decade, I would love to take it easy, "cat had its cream huh?," but I hope that God gives me the courage and wisdom to keep  going on and pushing myself to the top of the next mountain.
Sometimes a tear drop is priceless in HIS books.

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Superman Wears a Skirt

Isn't it strange how the weather affects us, "I need an umbrella," today there a million things to do and yet the weather, its hot and humid, like it wants to rain, and then "here comes the sun," strangely enough it mimics my moods these day, "as moody as the five minute downpour,"  it swings between blissful unawareness to a grouchiness, I am just beginning to fathom.  I got up this morning to daily humdrum of life, moms voice in the kitchen, brother chatting away and sisters just buzzing her head off early in the morning, "you moron its 9:49am," my mind told me and you are late and I decided there and then I was going to take the day off today, " a Thursday, day off ?" what kind of joke would that be.  As it turned out, that breakfast wasn't made, the maid wasn't in you see, somebody had to give me tea to wake me up and everybody was wondering who it was going to be, when my mind drifted to Riya.

I had met Riya three or four times during the year, each meeting interspersed by 2-3 months, we hit off well, every time I met her, I felt this surge of energy through me, " normally I am dull as the house mouse," she wanted to be a movie star.  "Do you want to go for a movie," she asked, it was September and the weather, just beginning to look up, "The God's must have been crazy to invent June and July."  I was game, she knew it, and it wasn't really a question, "Getting all the answers from me aren't you," so we went to the movies. I picked her up and she was attired in the latest designer outfit and accessories.  I looked at her and went blank, "look at me !," and I stared at myself with a feeling of inadequacy, I was in jeans and white shirt and sneakers. Man, this was going to be some outing by the looks of it, "was looking forward to it as much as meeting The Joker from Batman," hell where did they make these clothes, they seemed lined with gold everywhere I looked.

Speaking of designer wear, "kind of like the idea of designer underwear," that way I feel much closer to Superman, "not considering the fact that he wore his underwear on the outside," and gave Lana Lang the time of her life.  Now I am no Clark Kent, but with Riya I was going to have to play the part, "had my teeth chattering with fear," was I up to it, "look mama, its a bird its a plane no its Superman."  The movie turned out to be big hit with her, and I was the perfect companion, nannying over her like a momma, " Superman be damned," women relate to their mothers more than a hero I learnt that day, "now I ain't too good at playing the mother as well," but I tried and evidently by look on her face, succeeded.  It was perfect evening.
To being what we profess to be.

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Watching People

So here I was sitting at McDonald's all alone and sipping my hot cup of coffee, "don't do this often," and she walked in, alone too and took the table alongside mine.  The man that I am, and lonely that I was, and hungry that I was, "literally hmmm?" decided to steal a few side ways glances.  She was nicely dressed,"like most women aren't  these days ?," and wore large earrings.  I started to read the newspaper, that they provide so magnanimously at Mac, "Not interested," my mind told me while my heart was thumping away and my eyes still veering towards her.  I am a little like that with women, I have come to notice this of late,"damn I should be analysing other people," I thought instantly, that's what I am here for.

I am not a professional at this, "but then not many are," though there are people who go ahead spend the whole day doing this analysis.  Its almost addictive, like the breakfast they serve here, its standardized, has quality and fiber to the process.  Its almost like restaurants are to people nowadays what theater was in the 80's, but what do I know, I just get into my old sedan roll over to the next best place in the morning and sit and sip.  I did Barista yesterday and the Cafe Coffee Day the day before.  Its almost like I am becoming addicted to this, watching people seems to be becoming a hobby, I sit alone and look out of my window and watch that guy walking by with a limp and wonder what caused the limp, or that dude wearing a hat and a tie, sitting next to the fountain and eating a hot dog, whats he thinking ?  Analysing people is a fantastic way to start the day, especially when you are a writer, its the next best thing to meeting them.  You must be ready for them when you do meet them, its like this hobby of mine is a preparation to an end.

So she sits there eating her breakfast and is she wondering about her next big job, she could also be wondering about me, after all I am a fellow human being at the same place and alone, "sure is a bond there."  I think she is thinking about me, because every time I look at her she lowers her eyes to her tray.  Our eyes did meet briefly in curiosity, like people who are wondering why we sit here eating breakfast alone.  We all have our reasons and no reason better than to get our thoughts together early in the morning, this urge is over powering.  To write one must be at ease with ones self and have this ability to listen to people and their opinions, to understand their body language and make them comfortable in their skin, that is a skill that I have imbibed.
I Saw It Today, The Meaning Of Life.

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Dating and Marriage

The more I think of it, the more I come to believe that relationships are two dimensional, you are either in them, "I can't believe it," or your not, "Its way too complicated."  There is no third way of looking at them, and if there were, "Einstein be damned," it must be as complicated as e=mc2.  Well, I am certainly no Einstein, "as if anybody would care," but do have a theory on how to solve the divorce situation around the world.  So people get into relationships saying, "I can't believe it," and then get out of them,"this is complicated," two dimensional see.  So why don't we actually build a theory that reverses this, start by saying that relationships are complicated when we get into them,"not much in it for Newtonian physics either," and as we evolve and grow into them, comes the, " I can't believe it" part.

So if I were you, I would leave the mushy part for later, much after the dating part is over, the million calls to each others mobiles, the drops to the airport within the first month, to much later.  Deal with the sex part first, the basic forces of attraction, "damn its great," will it last, do we kiss after we do it and all the other intricacies that lovers evolve.  So its complicated, because she would love to talk after sex and I just want to sleep, she wants to be hugged and I want to rest, "it was hard work," you see.  No doubt, people evolve their means and methods to get it right, "the sex part of course," hardly any sure fire theories here.

Now Einstein was a fine man and applying his theory to sex would imply, "its relative of course," that the more partners you choose the more choice and experience you gain in the theory of relativity.  So measurement of how good one was at sex would be determined by the velocity of the participants,"relativity sure is interesting, isn't it ?" because now, I am not sure whether good sex is fast or slow.  Interestingly now that we are having good sex, do we get married, "and how long does it take to evaluate a partner," a month, two months, a year maybe, "consistency is important," thats where love is suppose to make an entry, "damn who needs love," I could do without it and just stick to the sex part.  That is not marriage material I would say then, look for the next choice.
I Think So I Evolve.

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What Did I Touch

I have been vaguely mystified by the mobile phone for a while, my article on the missed call bears testimony to that, another mystifying feature of this, "god forsaken contraption," the touch screen.  So here I am at the mobile store and the salesman seemed to be particularly keen on selling me the Blackberry Storm, the touchscreen hot seller.  Now I am not a phone enthusiast, "they sure as hell confuse me," as much as the ps3 gaming console, but I got sold on the idea and bought myself the top end touchscreen Blackberry Storm.  Sure enough, there was a storm brewing up somewhere, "and it was in my top end too", the phone was as confusing as the bat to me.

Now here was how my first call ended, i picked up the call and spoke a few lines and then, " in a flurry of action," my fingers touched something and the call was on hold, what was going on, "what did I touch, what did I touch," I flipped my phone from the ear to in front of my eyes, everything seemed alright here, what did I touch what did I touch, this one was for the techies and geeks.  Next came my second call of the day and the same scenario repeated.  The Storm was sensitive for sure and it wouldn't let me on to what had happened, but this I was sure, "A device from hell," manipulating me and doing nasty things to me when I was on call.  Now I am not butter fingered but I do sometimes get fidgety on the call, "don't we all" and I pry the phone from one to the other, my ears sticking close to the screen, sometimes even using both my hands for a job, with the phone between my ears and the shoulder. My other phone, that I exchanged for this one, was much more accommodating and comforting, "accommodating is not a word to be used here," after all I had been more than accommodating in loosening my pockets for this one.

I went back to the store and the salesman quickly pronounced me as "butterfingers", I yelled back, " I am not," calm down I told myself, you like the salesman but just don't like the mobile.  Talk your way through this and sure enough he said, there is a "hold" icon that I was inadvertently pressing on the mobile.  "Ah," I said, it solved my problem as much as the world has solved, "global warming."  Glumly and meekly, I took the mobile back from his hand and mentally thanked him and told him, " I will try to do better on the next call."  When the next call came, I was scared of picking up the phone, "what would I touch this time," I gingerly picked up the phone and pressed the green button to answer and started talking. I suddenly realised, I was so busy avoiding the "hold" icon on the screen that I wasn't paying attention to who I was speaking to and what I was talking, it was just jugglery with the phone, "the circus artist in me," was taking birth.  Here I was playing with my mobile and also generating ideas for alternative employment.  This time the "conference" icon got pressed, "Damn, where was all this taking me." This phone was generating more anxiety in me than anything else, the post sales process had been a writ off.
Technology takes us forward, touche'.

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Daddy's Day Out

I had gone to the mechanics with an ailing car, "my kid doesn't particularly care for me to take her to the docs", so the car was my only source of sporadic entertainment, this mid life crisis wasn't helping me one bit, I was lost between jobs and a personal life that favoured "dark and ominous".  In any case, since Sanjana wouldn't let me take her to the doctors, I had to make do with my Tata Safari, an SUV with a twist.  It was a smart machine but off late had developed a snag, every time I started it in the morning, it would make a coughing noise and then give up, unusual for this machine, "damn the cough", so I took the machine to the mechanics.  Soon as I landed at his doorsteps, he greeted me with a smile, "make my day", and why not I was here to spend money on him, he parked the car and escorted me to the office, which resembled a typical doctors clinic waiting room, a few magazines and newspapers, a reception desk and lounging chair, all designed to make the patient feel comfortable before the surgery, "this wasn't Sanjana I was with," but I was already conjuring up the dental clinic she had to be taken to.

I waited and waited, before the mechanic finally approached me again, he had given the car a checkup and figured it was a clogged carb and a broken axle and a tie rod repair job, "no wonder Sanjana was scared of going to the docs", did he say a broken axle as well and a tie rod repair job ?  Why did he have to check that if it was only cough, "we give you service with a smile," said the logo on the wall,  and you shell out money with a smile, it was going to expensive, keep smiling and "I already had a running nose," I guess this is what it meant to pay through your nose.  Soon as I acquiesced, they served me tea with those lovely biscuits you'd find only at the waiting room.  They were double layered with cream between them, "don't you have something for the nose ?", keep it running, that way we would know you have 'em.

Two hours later and some Rs 10,000 short, I was out of the workshop with a smile on my face, and a well repaired car, and a few questions in my head "why did have to check these other things for a cough," I walked up to the mechanic and told him thank you, "my pleasure !" service with a smile continued till the gate and then the gate clanged shut and I was on left on my own to ponder on my questions.  I drove down to the local tea shop, a small joint "where didn't serve cream biscuits" with tea and sat down on a rickety stool to sip a cup of tea.  It was sweet, like sugar didn't cost as much as it did  nowadays, "probably owned a ration store," this guy, and had in most probability was a hobbyist tea connoisseur.  The whole episode was sweet, "service with a smile", still ringing in my head, I headed home to Sanjana and her grouchy demeanour, that I was sure would take the punch out of any sweetness that might have percolated to my head.

It was short and sweet, like a licorice cigarette.

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Don't Think Twice

On the couch I sat waiting for Anjali, it was leather upholstered and had that "hey ! don't touch me" look on it, but I had sat on it nonetheless, and now glared at her as she cantered into the coffee shop, she was late.  She had offered to meet me at the coffee shop and it had been a troubled decision for me, "I know this gal, and yet she is so snooted up," I couldn't believe I had agreed.  The couch was still troubling me, could be a case of "a sore hiney or more", and the more I thought about it, the more it was.  She said, " Hi !" and I said to myself, " damn ! it hurts, my hiney of course."  I was in love with Anjali and she didn't care much about it, so much so that she wouldn't think twice about hauling "my sore ass" up to the cleaners literally.

This was a classical dilemma, how often had I seen this happen, " We are just friends", and bang in comes the sex part and the friendship takes a toss, "like a Salad in Olive Oil."  I was sure I could handle this better today but these old thoughts kept intruding.  I was damn sure I could be only friends with Anjali, but my manhood wouldn't agree, it kept poking me, "Here you go, don't touch me though, remember we are still friends," literally poking me every time I was with her.  I had to work this out today or let her go, she on the other hand seemed sure she wanted me as a friend only.  "How did she do it ?" wasn't she human, midway through the coffee I decided, I was going to be just her and try and be what she wanted me to be.

My sorry state of affairs, "not including my medical condition", had started some six months back, when I had met her, she beautiful and intelligent, "I was doomed to the OPD", when she said, "Buddy" to me three months later, see we were such good friends she wouldn't want to ruin that for anything, and "that dammit was final" I knew her well enough to know she meant it.  I didn't want to quit her company, neither is it easy to stop loving someone, so I was glum faced for most of the winter.  The weather matched my mood, gloomy and listless, where normally I was fun to be with, I was thinking inwards now, "like the winds had been blown out my sail."

The conversation, as always, was endless and I was veering around to the idea of loving the conversation more than anything else, "hands off" would be mind philosophy, I would be just her till I died, and "it might be soon," if you continue sitting on this couch my mind snapped back.  Being a woman is hard I could see, hardly as easy as a man's attitude, to take whatever he can, plunder and be done, unless caught.  But these thoughts were no longer going to be mine.
A Man Wouldn't Think Twice.

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The Curry Of Life

Last night a fabulous thing happen, as I waited for dinner to cook, and I am a decent cook, "Balderdash !," my wife would say. "Don't you believe her though," she just lives by her cappuccino and cookies.  So here I was in the kitchen, looking to make some chicken, a friend of mine she had spent some two hours making an exotic variety of it.  "What ? exotic ? Chickens are as bland as they come, a pair of wings and two legs".  "How the hell do you make them exotic ?" was my refrain.  She gave a recipe that added up two plus two equals five, and I made a dash to the freezer, took out my chicken and started to carve it up.  "Its frozen, you need to defrost it."  But I didn't listen to her, she always had too much advice for me, I carved the chicken up into six grateful pieces and then started to shallow fry them a bit.

It dawned on me last night that life's pretty much like a "Chicken Curry and Rice" dish, if you leave the spice out of the chicken, you could very well be eating veggies.  Spice is the curry of life, the red chilly that makes you snort your nose a few times, or the black pepper sneezes that resound in the kitchen.  From the fast red car to the sexy face in the marketplace, they all have a part to play.  "Damn the red Ferrari," and obviously it was too fast for my old sedan, which was nonetheless red in colour.  Why do things I like come so expensive, "but hey man, most people would love to own one too". "Yeah, sure and they can afford it to".  The point being the damn Ferrari is the spice in my life I can't afford right now, so I will make do with the old red sedan, pamper it and cajole it into believing that it is.

My Chicken was ready in an hour, unlike my friends that took two, just goes to prove I am a better cook, "Look what the chicken turned out to be."  A curry with the flavours of South-East Asia and spice to mystify your mind, "Unusual," she said sounding jealous, "but nice."  I don't believe she could have done better, though since the Chicken was cooked on her behest and her recipe I decided to give her a portion to taste.  "Unusual huh ?" she walloped it and loved it as much as the accompaniment, beer and some Mexican nachos with a dip.

My life would be totally bland, were it not for my spices, I eat at small joints with their own distinct personality, the people that come there are totally awesome and bring with them a thought and the talk to go along with them.  This morning for instance I took I ride down to Central Secretariat in the prime locality of Connaught Place in New Delhi, there is this quaint little shop next to the metro station that serves a platter of mixed fruit, fresh and with masala, a mixed spice powder.  "Man, do I love this place," though it turns out I go there more for the joints personal touch than anything else, the people, the hum and noise and smell of the place.  

Attitude is Everything.

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No Strings Attached

I just love watching movies, the other day, at the cinema I told them, "Discount ?".  "What for ?" they asked back, and I burst out laughing, I was with a girl friend, note, I put a space between "Girl and Friend", and they weren't going to stop me from impressing her.  Didn't they understand, the ushers knew me by face, the ticket dispensers knew me, even the manager had been sounded of about the "Movie Buff" I was. "I am the theatre" I proudly announced, "What the F", I wasn't going to hold it back, I had been here yesterday and the day before and the day day before to infinity.  Six movies the last week, they weren't going to stop me from pushing for a discount, and the man at the counter didn't give in easily.  "Show me the old tickets", he didn't know me, and I knew I had a teeny weeny opening.

Out came my folder, neatly organised, normally I am a stickler for the "disorganised" but not where the movies are concerned, I had all the tickets of the past two months neatly stacked in rows and columns, "FIFO" I called it, First In First Out.  Sheila looked puzzled but not disappointed, in fact she looked elated, "Yes ! discount please", he has all the tickets you ask for.  I loved this girl, she never lost out on a fight, just yesterday she had shouted,"Get out 'er" and take the drinks with you, at the bartender at "The Striker" in The Promenade, I had been too drunk to notice that 90 ml was actually only 60 ml.  She could blink through a bottle of whisky and still hoot out for the cab when the time was right.  This discount was for Sheila I was sure, "When Harry Met Sally" was one of my favourite, "What the heck, Billy, you still one of my favourites", now I was sure Sheila would love the man and once the taste buds are whetted, she would want to see more of Billy.  It was going to be perfect, I would have a movie partner with the same taste in men.

Then came this incredible moment, they called the Manager and Sheila was quick to the take, explaining and weaving around his ifs and "butts", showing him the finger where needed, "to point in the right direction dammit" and we got around to talking about it.  He looked glaringly at the ticket counter agent, "What am I doing in this situation at 10:30 am on a Saturday morning, the other ticket buyers queued up expectantly behind us, maybe it was the "Open Kitchen Week" at PVR they all thought, "drool" I said, knowing fully well I referred to our discount, not that Sheila wasn't "drool" worthy, I mentally spit out the thought,, notice she and I were Boy space Friend, Girl space Friend.  Not to worry, we got our discounts and few extras pooled in, "lovely movie", she said at the end of it.  "Did You Count How Many Times He Met Her ?" hoping she'd say, "lets do this movie again. "No" I lost count, I think the Manager's kind of handsome too.  At least we would come to the same Cinema to see the Manager.

Free Your Mind, Else The Colour is Yellow.

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A Matter Of The Heart

A Medical Emergency requires immediate attention but what is forgotten is the patient, people are so busy doing their bit for their jobs and profiles, that the actual subject of their attention takes a back seat.  I had this accident when I was riding a bicycle on the wrong side of the road, and by my own admission, I didn't realise I was on the wrong side, "What me?", it was the car that was on the wrong side.  Later I realised, when people told me, my mind had been too engrossed in the matters of the heart, doped and stunned, and when the car driver was told he had gone over my hip, he admitted he too was doped in any case.

The kids on the streets screamed out to the adults, " he is down !", and there is a horse shoe thing lying on the road, " that's my limb kid", I screamed back.  The picked me and my little horse shoe thing and transported me to the Fortis Hospital, where, little did I know then, I was to spend the next 8 days of my life.  The ride to the hospital was a jerky one, with the medical attendant shoving a mask onto my face, the oxygen I realised for the first time in my life was choking me. "Oxygen or what ?" this was acidic and I was in a rage, they gave me a shot to tranquilise me and I felt like a horse that had been put down after winning a race, "What have you done to yourself ?", I was a race winner and they were putting me down, at least till the affect would last, which turned out to be two hours.

I woke up in the hospital bed and I felt like I was tied to it, "He's up !", Mom was here, I could see and dimly I could see my brothers, they were all here, in two hours they had summoned the entire family to the hospital.  It felt like an item in a Zoo, brought from Siberia to the hotter parts of the World and everybody was here to analyse and present their case on whether the subject would survive. "How is he doing ?" somebody asked in the audience, and the doctors in the ubiquitous voice, "He is alright".  Why was I tied to the bed then, with tubes running into all orifices of my body.  My hiney felt like it had seen better days, I was immovable.

Hip transplant as anyone who has gone through it would realise gives the man, "No hope of release".  It is perpetually present, so if somebody from the staff asks you what happened, you simply say, "my wife, she sleeps with a plastic and metallic android", who doesn't go away and will not go away for life.  My hips felt like they had been to the butchers, though I am not sure the car driver had any intentions of changing his profession to a butcher to please my imagination.  I imagined the doctor to be bending over me, an incarnate of the car driver, with a large knife, and cutting me up, examining me, and sending my original hip to be roasted at the next barbecue party.  Eight days and Eight nights, after which I felt like I had been the cast of a biblical movie, and "Cast" I was in plaster now like a model at Madame Tussaud, I returned home to stay immobile for another 5 months.
I call this "Medical Tourism", what do you think ?

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The Missed Call

A Telephone Call used to mean pressing a green button on my Motorola, my first mobile phone, and then the various contraptions that defined the term satellite communication would move the juggernaut towards a pleasant conversation with an inmate of planet earth before the red button ended the interaction.  That was until I lost all my money and had to wait for people to call me, you see, incoming was free.

I had no money and was thinking of new ways of making people call me instead of me having to call them, messaging was one way, but still cost money and I was short of it, and then I started to research the topic like a proverbial bat looking for a tree to hang on to.  The owl would be a fantastic synonym as well, because I stopped sleeping in the night, trying to find new ways and methods to achieve what seemed to be the impossible.  During this time all my friends were busy making money, see that is the way of life, no money, no friends and no calls from them.  In any case, I would plant my hiney onto the pot seat and smoke away, thinking and thinking, there would be tears in  my eyes and I wasn't sure they were smoke induced or otherwise.

"Honey, wake up I need to go to office," shouted my wife, Shalini, she was always in rush, as rushy as the squirrel in the morning to make the birds move.  I got up immediately and felt a flood of tears in my eyes, "What was happening ?".  I had to get out of the loo room and make my way to the bedroom, she was late and I was still waiting for my phone call.  I let her have the bathroom, and rushed out to see a friend of mine who was heading long distant to work.  I had on my way to Ashish's car, grabbed a banana from the fruit basket, they always smoothed my dialogue delivery early in the morning.  I held the car door as he was about to shut, "In a hurry, speak to you in the evening and leave the door alone or you will be as flat as a missed call"  I felt a tinge of tears in my eyes, "Could this be a missed call, the "hint of tears" in my eyes ?" 

In my books the only missed call is the one that rings for a second on your mobile, short enough, could be sweet enough also, if its your girl friend trying to get in touch with you.  "Get your mobile from the charger," Shalini shouted on her way out, "You could be getting a call from the job consultant."  How did she know, I would get a call today, how was she so sure, still thinking and leaving the thought behind, I got back in and got my mobile from the dock, there were still no calls on it.  I said "bye" to her and walked away to the market, the mobile phone is a black box with strange things happening under the black box, it has, I am told millions of "Chips" on a "Motherboard".  Varun my friend who runs a mobile shop had snapped back to me once, "You'll screw up the motherboard if you are not careful."  I was careless I admit, though only sometimes.  The marketplace appeared less crowded, Varun was busy, I could see and again I felt a tinge of tears in my eyes, walking away without talking to him, I could see an old Sardarji quietly buying vegetables from the grocery store, I too fell in line behind him.  He looked at me with kind eyes and I instantly said, "Hello".  "I am fine thank you," he said still kindly and I began to speak to him about the high rates of vegetables and things in general.  Fruits were high, milk was adulterated and everything was being sold at exorbitantly overpriced rates, the Government was doing nothing to control price rise.  Five minutes into my conversation and voila I had the first call of my day on my mobile.

"Happy!"  she Said," I called."

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The Bitter Coffee

This morning she had got up with a very clear head, unusually for somebody who normally wakes up in a real grouchy mood and forever cribbing about the morning.  It was a cold winter morning, the Sun was barely creeping out to dissipate the fog over the New York sky.  In her apartment on the 10th floor she could barely see the sights that were normally so crisp and clear, the cars moving down below were just barely perceptible by their sound, she couldn't see them though, the other apartment blocks were shrouded in the dim fog, she wanted to get to work but her body refused to move, to take that first step, to move for a bath.  Anjali had slept well, unusual again, nowadays she normally had rough nights and here she was thinking about the irony in life, for 3 months she had hardly slept, barely 4-5 hours, and still managed to get to work.

"Should I go to work, let me toss a coin," she thought to herself.
She called up her friend Sheila on her mobile, they did a car share. Sheila answered in the first ring.
"Where are you," Anjali was always this direct with Sheila and she was angling for a fight in the morning
"Where do you think I am," Sheila obliged with equal aggression.
"On top of Eiffel Tower making love to the giant ape," she laughed out aloud, hoping to anger Sheila even further.
"Shut up."
"So why can't you answer me directly."
"I am in the loo," answered Sheila.
"Are you coming to pick me up," Anjali started to get ready even as she spoke.  The fight always got her going.
"Yes, Let me get ready," and she slammed the phone down.

Anjali and Sheila had been friends ever since they had come to New York, life was always better with someone to talk to and Sheila had been the talkative and gregarious, she had always pushed Anjali to the limits with her conversation and though she fought with her, Anjali loved her.  She had been her guiding light in New York, where there were no friends, she had this girl with her who was always talking and full of life.  They started their day with a fight and ended with parties, it was fun being a girl in New York and she loved the feel of Sheila and herself dancing to the beat in the discotheques.  It had been an amazing experience with Sheila.  Anjali was ready for the day again, dancing to the beat and the Sun was out in its full glory and she felt like a queen today. It was going to be a great day.
I think So I am.

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Rags to Riches

As she stood looking over the bridge in Mumbai, there was this deep sense of anxiety running through her head, her eyes were brimming with tears. She had left her home with a little bit of money, all that she had had, and come to Mumbai in search of a job with Anuj.  Standing today at the bridge she wasn't sure she had done the right thing, had only this premonition that something big was to happen today.  Anuj had been her friend, lover and everything, they had been together for 5 years and had decided on taking this step.  He had convinced her to come to Mumbai with her, leaving her family behind, a family that in any case paid no heed to her well being, the two of them had taken the train from Subzi Mandi Railway Station and come to Bandra Terminus via the Paschim Express.  He had just gone to get them tea, while she stared over the bridge, it was late afternoon and the cloud cover shrouded the Sun.

Mumbai was the film city in India, and a city known to make dreams come true and yet it was known to be notorious, had an underworld belly and known to be exacting to migrants in such of lucre.  It was a fast moving metropolis and the people here were uncaring in their nature, having seen it all, from the politicians who brandished caste overtones to the actors who held lavish parties where drugs and alcohol were the overpowering stimulants.  Migrants from all over the country landed in this financial capital looking for jobs and shelter, food and water, looking for rags to riches stories.  She woke up from her reverie to look around for Anuj and he was no where to be found, she looked left and right, he wasn't there, the tea shop at the beginning of the bridge was empty, maybe he went a little further down, she thought.  He will be back, she  mused and continued to let her thoughts run.

She turned around and saw an old man staring at her, he was unkempt and dirty, he was boldly staring at her, she quickly turned around cutting the eye contact.  Her hair stood on nerve ends, what did this guy want from her and where was Anuj ?  It had been 1/2 hour since he had been gone to get tea, she was worried now.  She had given all her money and jewellery to him for safekeeping before she had got off the train at Mumbai, the old man was still staring at her as if he wanted to wolf her down.  She quickly decided to walk to the tea shop, and made brisk progress towards it some meters away.  She asked the Chaiwallah whether he had seen Anuj, he shook his head in a no, the other men at the stall also shook their head in negative.  She was frantic, she quickly describe him to them, they still said the same thing.  She turned around wanting, almost wishing he would appear from nowhere.  Her long hair was already damp with sweat and her brow was knotted up.  She stared at the far side hoping to see Anuj, he wasn't there either, what was she going to do, she had no money, it was all with him .........  Where was heeeeeeeee ????
There is no guarantee that this life will have a happy ending.

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Social Media

As these projects get more popular and gain more publicity, in the process of developing dream makers we will start to promote more and more entrepreneurs that are struggling to get their products moving. In order to achieve that, we would have to promote the entrepreneurs on the social media and here lies our vision of becoming a Social Media Specialists in the near future.

There are these things that we have achieved to make this blog a success story, I started writing about life, its happiness and tragedies, then moved to business and finally fiction.  For a blog to be really successful, I suppose promotion is the most important thing, people come from various walks of life to the web, the medium is vast, in fact some people even call it the World Wide Wait.  Information is distributed, some correct, mostly not incorrect, but opinions of people, it takes time to sift through the opinions to get to the real, defined and objective information.  The information anomaly is so large that even large sites like Wiki use the philosophy of user edit option.  In any case, I did the following things :

1.  Used Social Media as a tool to get people on the web, Facebook, Google and LinkedIn are some of the most popular sites that I targeted.  Facebook is great if you are trying to get back in touch with old long lost friends, though most people use it to connect to real time friends which actually doesn't make sense to me.  The results on Facebook were instant, overnight, actually in 3 months the blog had reached the 4000 mark, and that elated me.  

2.  Results on LinkedIn were slower because it is a business community portal and required business oriented news or thoughts, but when they came, they were rapid and fast.  I have enjoyed the results from LinkedIn more than the results on Facebook

3.  Google has been a pleasure to work on and the community has accepted and given me a lot of hits for the same.  I have hit the 10000 mark courtesy Google.  Google in fact has been the most popular of the medias for me and an absolute beauty to write for.  Have on the instance of some members changed my style of writing to creative fiction and experimented with a lot of styles for the same. 

It has been touched on in lot articles that Digg and StumbleOn are also social media that can fetch followers on to the blog, I am yet to experiment with the same, and will continue on the 3 giants of social media, namely Facebook, Google and LinkedIn and will move on to Digg and StumbleOn after a few months.

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Market Mode

While we are an Internet Marketing Firm, we also our product to the physical market, if required work in Market Mode, we sell Sustainable Energy products  in this mode, which include Solar, Wind and Waste to Energy  Projects.  We have 4 years of experience in doing these projects, and our client list includes prestigious clients in the Delhi/NCR region, including the Delhi State Cancer Institute and Hindu Rao Hospital.  

Though market mode could be included for all sustainable projects we are currently focussing on Renewable Energy Segment and specifically Solar Energy, as this is our core strength.  The philosophy that we follow at Fresh Energy Co is Diesel Abatement.  The idea being that the biggest competition to Solar Energy today is Diesel.  Diesel Gensets crowd the market place, talking of a logic that is now redundant, sound proofing and pollution control, while the cost of diesel has gone up through the years.  The new logic works on the principle that two years ago the price / unit of electricity generated by a Diesel Genset was Rs 9-10 while the corresponding solar price was pegged at Rs 17.86 per unit.  Within 2 years we have seen a drastic reduction in solar prices which have come down to Rs 7-8 per unit while diesel has gone up to Rs 12-15 per unit.

As is obvious from the above statement, there is lobby in the government that has reached an understanding that Solar is the way out of trouble.  If we have to save the environment then we go the whole way.  A 1 MW Solar Power Plant cost Rs 18 Crores in 2011, today developers around the country are bidding for prices as low as Rs 8-10 Crores.  And all this has happened in just two years. 

Diesel Abatement will bring relief to the citizens in the following 7 ways :

1.               Cut down pollution.

2.               Harassment by the government in the name of pollution control will go away.

3.               Will bring conservation of natural resources to the fore.

4.               Coal and other fossil fuels that are in the carbon sensitive zone will be done away with.

5.               Solar brings peace of mind for 20 years.

6.              There are no moving parts in the equipment, so no after sales service or very little training required.

7.              Will give credence to the carbon credit Regime essential for the survival of human race on planet Earth.

We seek grid parity by the end of 2014, and when that happens it will make Solar truly the solution for the future.  The next five years will experience radical growth which in turn will bring relief to all environment conscious citizens, the number of which by estimates stands at 40 percent.

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Internet

Fresh Energy Co is an Internet Marketing Firm, primarily formed to source from entrepreneurs who have great ideas and products and need help in marketing it on the internet.  It has been observed from research that there exist a large number of people with a great thought process going who need help with figuring out sales methodologies for their product.  We help people co-brand their product with us and sell it on the internet for a small commission.

It is our mission to help these entrepreneurs achieve their dreams and in the process, evolve a set of dream makers we hope to be able to work with as partners.  In this world, where finance and money takes control of our lives, there is a hope that creativity will thrive in environments where the thought of money is left to people who can sell the product.  This is where Fresh Energy Co. steps in as we put all our effort into selling the product.  We are Sales driven people, who talk to the client to figure out what is going on in the clients mind and then generate the necessary buzz in the mind to convert a Prospect to an Order as defined by the process below

           Suspects -----> Prospects ------> Leads --------> Qualify ------------------> Order

Our philosophy for sales is simple and straight forward, identify a person as a suspect, convert the Suspect to a Prospect by giving presentations and ideas about the product.  Suspect identification and conversion to Prospects forms the crux of the methodology and may involve verified databases and cold calling.  Once the Suspect has been identified we convert the Suspect to a Prospect by engaging the client and generating interest in the product and analysing if the client has a requirement for the product we sell.   A Prospect is given presentations and the sales talk, a pitch followed by 15 to 20 minutes of listening and then the 10 minutes of talking to convince the client and convert the Prospect to a Lead.  Getting from Leads to an Order will require the Lead to be qualified.

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Of Pretense and Presumptions

Mubassira was despondent, she was lonely and downright sad, she was in love and and heading nowhere.  Salman and Mubassira had been together for over five years, they had met when Mubassira was in college, Salman being ten years older than her.  Those  were heady days of romance, she fell in love with him straight away but they knew it was a dead end street, Salman was married with two kids.  Mubassira stood there in front of the mirror, brushing her long hair, but she really was not concentrating, her thoughts were far away, at the day she had first met Salman.  He was no playboy, nor a man of steel, it wasn't going to be a fairy tale  he had told her, but when he started to talk it all fell into place for her.  He was glib, suave and sophisticated all rolled into one.  She couldn't believe she had met him after all these years of search, he had told her then that he was married but she didn't care too much then, she just wanted to listen to him and interact with him more.  She could really begin to see her life falling into place with him around her.

Mubassira turned her thoughts to his present wife, Shakira, she had met her once or twice, very choosy and nit picking, she worked for a Non-Profit organisation that demanded her attention full time, and in any case she didn't have too much time for her husband.  Mubassira knew she was much better placed to handle Salman than his wife, she knew him better than any woman had ever known him, she was no beauty queen, but Salman's love had made her blossom into one.  The next few months would decide her fate, and she would fight for her love now.  The brush turned out to be one with very sharp bristles, which was good because it allowed her scalp to be scratched deep, and her mind began to work.  What did she have to do to marry Salman, she thought to herself.  She was no home breaker and wouldn't be one now, but there must, be another way that she hadn't thought of.  She looked at herself in the mirror, the more she looked at herself  the more she believed that she looked like Kirstie Alley, that Hollywood movie actress, beautiful and earthy, a real woman.

She would make Salman meet her family, she mused to herself, make him at home and comfortable with them, her mother would be shocked but it had to be done, this fight she had to win.  She sat down on the sofa and tried to be at ease with the idea and was surprised at how much pleasure this thought gave her.  It was almost like her mind was in battle mode and churning up schemes.  She would also insist on meeting Salman's parents, they were nice people she knew that, and then it was just a matter of time before they saw her for who she was.  She had no pretense about her, there was nothing in this world that she wouldn't do to get her man and that was final.
Sometimes we subvert but mostly we are just that, students of moral sciences.

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Social Media and Promotion

Last night I hit the 10,000 hit mark on my blog, not much, and yet satisfying, there was a time I was struggling to get the blog moving and suddenly it did move.  Don't think there is anything more satisfying than writing and getting read, and I thought to myself, what did I do correct and what did I do wrong, I must evaluate it, this was the right time.  So here in this post, I write the progression of this blog, from a mere novice to a part of a community.

There are these things that I have done to make this blog a success, I started writing about life, its happiness and tragedies, then moved to business and finally fiction.  For a blog to be really successful, I suppose promotion is the most important thing, people come from various walks of life to the web, the medium is vast, in fact some people even call it the World Wide Wait.  Information is distributed, some correct, mostly not incorrect, but opinions of people, it takes time to sift through the opinions to get to the real, defined and objective information.  The information anomaly is so large that even large sites like Wiki use the philosophy of user edit option.  In any case, I did the following things :

1.  Used Social Media as a tool to get people on the web, Facebook, Google and LinkedIn are some of the most popular sites that I targeted.  Facebook is great if you are trying to get back in touch with old long lost friends, though most people use it to connect to real time friends which actually doesn't make sense to me.  The results on Facebook were instant, overnight, actually in 3 months the blog had reached the 4000 mark, and that elated me.  

2.  Results on LinkedIn were slower because it is a business community portal and required business oriented news or thoughts, but when they came, they were rapid and fast.  I have enjoyed the results from LinkedIn more than the results on Facebook

3.  Google has been a pleasure to work on and the community has accepted and given me a lot of hits for the same.  I have hit the 10000 mark courtesy Google.  Google in fact has been the most popular of the medias for me and an absolute beauty to write for.  Have on the instance of some members changed my style of writing to creative fiction and experimented with a lot of styles for the same. 

It has been touched on in lot articles that Digg and StumbleOn are also social media that can fetch followers on to the blog, I am yet to experiment with the same, and will continue on the 3 giants of social media, namely Facebook, Google and LinkedIn.

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Back To School

Theories and theorems, we had them all in school, and the students had always been a heady mix of dedicated students and back benchers to crazy quirky Teachers.  Last month Parineeta started her IT classes with a training institute in Delhi, a little nervous and a whole lot excited. As she walked into the classroom and took her seat in the middle rows, she thought, that would keep her clear of the back benchers about whom she knew a lot from her previous ventures years back in school, and a little closer to the front rows, the famous front rows that kept themselves busy writing out the theorems even before they appeared on the projection screen.  She saw the front row students as her salvation, her deliverance from what had been back then, speaking of which there hadn't been much except bunking school for movies, a few hours in the library and whole lot of smokes.  She was thinking she needed to make amends for her times in school right here, to atone for not having studied hard enough and bunked classes when she probably needed to be a model student or so she thought.  A model student is one who thinks like the instructor and is a child at heart, at 35 she was no longer a child, maybe I need to doctor my age certificate, she thought in jest, even tell my mom to forget taking her memory medicines.  She had even observed her younger sister, tried to think like her, wasn't it possible to be her younger sibling just for the classes.

Take the chill pill and sit back and enjoy the show, she said to herself.  She laughed inwardly at the thought of the pill, the last time she had been to school she had taken the dope pills and enjoyed it thoroughly. Maybe she should have doped and come to class, not a bad idea considering that most of the students here were droopy eyed zombies. Things had changed since the last time she had been to school, one for instance they just didn't read as hard enough and two, no ever told them that they weren't the super stars they thought themselves to be.  Abhi for instance was a punk with spiked hair and ear rings, he wore a Tee that said "Don't look at me I am lost too."  The point was no one was looking at him in any case, he just roamed the classroom like he was already a network administrator.  Parineeta realised how little she knew of her classmates, there was Vaishali, long black hair and a petite girl, she came from a rich background and was passing her time at the institute after college.  Vaishali thought it beneath her status to speak to Abhi and his gang, she was beautiful and knew it, had money and wouldn't let any of them near her.  She spoke only to Anuj, the instructor as if she had paid him to be her personal trainer, like she owned him and had paid for personal tuition's.  And why not mused Parineeta, she was beautiful and had the killer instinct, she knew she could twist Anuj around her fingers.

As Parineeta waited for Anuj to come in, her thoughts drifted to why she was here, this was her one chance to make a life out of a career she had always wanted, Information Technology was in her blood, she had always wanted to become a Network Admin and this was a step in the right direction.  She would make every attempt to better her life, she could look back and laugh out at her mistakes and yet know that she had had the guts to correct them, unlike other people who might continue living unhappy lives.
Its my Life

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A Penny For Your Dreams

It rained again today, Sanjana couldn't believe it would get this damp and lonely inside the house, the clothes had no place to dry on the balcony which was wet, the only place safe on it was the umbrella that hung loosely from its anchors.  She thought and thought, it would be a great idea to sit under the umbrella in this cold grey morning and sip a cup of coffee.  She was a coffee lover and made her own brand of cappuccino at home when she was there at all, now she quickly wound up her coffee machine and took the cup to the balcony.  It was still raining but she was safe under the round circular contraption, she invariably always left it open as it was too difficult for her to get the snap open.

Sanjana had a highly creative mind which was the reason that she met incredibly artistic people from all walks of life, but she was incredibly lonely too.  As she sipped her cup of coffee and stared at the dark clouds, she wished for her friends to be here right now.  She knew she was dreaming insanely, all of them had left her a while back, as she had started to work on those lovely clay models of corporate buildings, she had got so deeply engrossed in her work that it never occurred to her that she needed anyone but herself.  She would work non stop on the models, evaluating it from all angles and working her hands through the thick cultured clay and enjoying her work.

She stared at the clouds as the rain increased its intensity, shaded from the rain as she was, she felt cozy amidst the dampness her hands wrapped around the hot cup.  Her loneliness had grown and she felt caged by her own mind, a  mind that refused to let go of her, allowing her to give herself fully to her personal relations. It was a thought only and a very scary thought, one that frightened her and yet she had her work that relied on the same, she couldn't give it up, she had thought about it often and turned back from the brink. This was a lonely world and it paid to keep your thoughts to yourself.  So if she missed her friends she kept it to herself, there was Sheila who had given her first laptop as a gift five years back, Nina who still rode a bicycle to work like she was in school and Parineeta whose laughter could light up the room.  Three of her best friends on whom her entire world had depended in college, if only they were around, but then come to think of it they were around, whenever she felt the pangs she would conjure up these dreams around the four of them, just like she was doing it right now.

She suddenly realized the rain had stopped and the Sun was peaking through, the sound of water flowing outside was still audible though, the rush of vehicles as they passed by, with the wheels making the squishy sound as they crisscrossed over the wet street and yet up above the Sun was out.  Pretty soon the warmth of the Sun would dry up the balcony and blow away the skin chilling dampness, it was going to be a fine day after all.
Happiness is the Art of Finding it Within You.

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Musings of a Rainbow

Incredibly, the world woke up to a bright sunny morning today, it was a bright day, the winged creatures chirping and people on their morning walks and runs.  Sunny days are fantastic, they bring out the best in people, the thoughts revived and the coldness and dampness of the night tempered into the mornings blaze.  Then the rains come and each morning the rain drops glisten on the leaflets as the sun shines through the clouds and reflects the pristine clear water.  Two weeks back there was a rainbow, its arc swung right across the skyline with the seven colours clearly visible to anyone interested in taking a break from the normal humdrum of life.  The rainbow stood still for as long as 30 minutes, as below the noise of the automobiles plundered the peace of the earth.

Vinita had been waiting for Ben at the bus station for over 10 minutes now, looking at the rainbow and thinking when was the last time she had seen a sight so splendid.  So lost was she in the reverie that she almost forgot that she was here for a purpose, this meeting with Ben, it was probably going to be the last time she would see him.  Vinita had been madly in love with him, still was, two years had gone by, and she now saw a sudden change in him.  He was no longer eager to meet her, did the sight of her spring up detest in him, she wondered, he would find excuses like work, family even friends.  Weren't we friends, she wondered again, this time it was final, she would not relent, her mind had decided that it would over rule the heart and push for a break.

She was still staring at the rainbow, was it talking to her and telling her what to do, she was at crossroads, the sight of the rainbow inspired in her the same love for things that was so essential in her life, the last 6 months had not been easy, and yet today standing here she felt ready to fly, her heart was torn between her love for Ben and the need to break free, to settle somethings in her life for herself.  She wanted peace, to think and do what she had always wanted to do, things like painting, pottery, reading, movies and music.  She was an artist had heart, and it had broken her up to abort a child because Ben didn't want it.  So, what was it about Ben, was it his friend Indie or Ganesh who had conspired against Vinita, telling Ben stories of women who would give birth to his child and then hang onto him using emotional blackmail.

Yuri had warned her this was going to happen.  Yuri her friend from long time ago, she had met him on chat and he had been a pillar of strength for her during these times, strong and loyal were the only two words that came into her mind for him and she loved him as friend.  She and Yuri would go to the movies, to theatre and cafe shops, spend time for hours together talking up things and giving each other support.  Yuri had had a heartbreak of a life, he had been to the psychiatrist for tension and anger management, had a chequered career, eked out a living and was now into Sales and Marketing.  Vinita looked up again to see a aeroplane carve its way across the sky, it was a sight to see, the plane seem to be moving slowly, almost like the pilot and co pilot were enjoying the same view that Vinita had, taking his time manoeuvring the plane, seeing the scene open up at much closer level than her.  Vinita felt like a tourist right now and wished Yuri was with her for this meeting with Ben, but she was at peace immediately thinking of him. Her life though felt incomplete like some people were still not there, there was Gayatri who had gone away, Radha who still wasn't around and most of all she missed Olivia, her best friend who was away in Australia for almost 4 years now.  Whatever happened today, she knew it would be for the best and she was going to enjoy every moment of her life from now on.
These dreams they don't go away nowadays.

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From Suspects to Prospects

The meeting went alright on Wednesday.
It had begun with the four of us at the office of this large conglomerate, it was a large spacious room with 5 chairs, and the four of us were waiting for the Director of this large company to come in.  The LG Air con was running at 24 degrees, churning out cold air, cooling all of us on this hot afternoon.  Delhi and the NCR does get to be very hot during the summers and especially the afternoons and this one was no exception, it was hot and humid.  I was lost in my dreams when suddenly there had been a loud noise from the outside, the office was a ground floor one and overlooked the garden and the boundary wall.  There was an ESI hospital just opposite this building and the generator had had a blow off.  The noise had been akin to a blast, a short thud and then smoke.  We all had got up to look out, though all we could see was smoke spewing over the boundary wall.  Was this blast symbolic, I was already thinking, would the meeting go well, was this an Omen ?

"What happened ?" I asked the receptionist as I rushed out of the room to the reception with one of my friends.
"Seems to me that the DG at the opposite building went off," she said quietly, she was the epitome of efficiency with glasses riding up on her well upturned nose.
"We saw smoke coming up," I said equally efficiently, I kind of liked this lady and was looking to make an impression.

She was a plump tall lady, very efficient and totally at ease with people and her work.  I had noticed when I had entered the office that she had beautiful eyes and as mentioned before, an upturned nose on which sat her designer spectacles.  She had been busy behind the desk, writing a few memos I presume, when I had asked her if the Director was in.  She had replied in the negative and enquired about my purpose.

"We are here to meet him for the Solar Requirement."
"Well, do you have an appointment," she asked politely.
"Yes," I said handing over my business card to her.

Receptionists are a unique breed, they seem to know the answer even before they ask a question.  Glancing at my friends she pointed to the chairs and asked us to take a seat on some very comfortable looking sofas, while she spoke to the PA of the Director.  A quick few questions and she glanced at me, I immediately got up and came to her desk.
"He is late, by half an hour, you will have to wait.
"Of course."

And here I was waiting in the Directors office with three other colleagues, still thinking of the receptionists.  I had asked her name and she had told me, Sushma.  Actually when the Diesel Generator had gone off, I had been waiting for an opportunity to speak to Sushma again, and like they say, there is an opportunity in every difficulty.  She was busy, mulling over calls and other peoples waiting at the reception.  I knew my only chance of getting a few words in was to engage her, after all I am a sales person, and it is my job to get the attention of people, so that I understand them. I talk to figure out whats going on in a particular office, start with a 2 minute pitch and then I listen for 10 minutes to them, this could go on for 15 minutes depending on how vociferous the customer is, and later I speak for another 15 minutes, most first meetings last for 45 minutes and before my sales call is over, I invariably have a lead.

"Do you read Dilberts," I had asked her when she had been free.
"Yes, I do, how did you know ?" she asked adjusting herself on the seat.
"Beat the 5 o clock rush, leave office at noon," I had recited the first Dilberts one liners that came to my mind.
"And do what ?" she had asked coyly.
"Lets go see a movie, Hangover III" I had replied back, tongue in my cheek.
From Suspects to Prospects, from Prospects to Leads and Leads to Orders

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The Carrot Philosophy

Last night I had this feeling, a very imposing feeling that I could not ignore, it wouldn't go away and kept knocking on the door to my mind.  Thoughts there are many this morning and I am convinced that last night I was just beginning to fathom the depths of reality.  I feel free today, unencumbered by the bonds of yesterday, there is bliss within me, till yesterday I was shackled by the pain of loss and the ravings of my heart that are lost to me today.  I am still stunned, feeling this immense surge of power right through my body, knowing fully well that a well tuned power house needs an open road.

Have you ever know love that transcends realms and boundaries, living beings have this immense capacity to love and love back in return, to touch lives and feel the joy of victory and pain of loss.  We cry because we must when the loss overwhelms us, there is no logic in it except.  Started the day a little later than usual, I had taken the day off, got up had breakfast and spoke to a few friends and then began my journey on the web.  That's when this feeling had hit me, and it has taken me a full night to understand it, I believe today that "the feeling of possession doesn't even compare to the feeling of imminent loss or actual loss".

Once I have admitted this, I am touched by questions that trouble me :

                       1.  What are my Values and do they stand up ?

                       2.  When was the time I completed a book ?

                       3.  I might have loved and lost, but did I learn anything from it ?

                       4.  How do I sail the boat of my life and anchor it to the port of my choice ?

Beyond the boundaries there is a wish and beyond the wish is a dream that wants to come true.  Its true that we take to writing because of dreams that don't come true, writing is a way to let the thought out of the system, a sought of an emotional catharsis that empowers us to dream of what couldn't be and give it another try.  The crashing of a dream changes people and brings the realisation that nothing is infallible in this world and there is no guarantee that life would have a happy ending.  Yet the feeling of loss is so powerful that it takes away the pain, for every single thing we lose, and mostly here I refer to this feeling of having loved and lost, we gain some important insights to our life, certainly personal life and professional as well.

The didactic nature of certain things make it impossible for us to understand true learning that happens when there is evidently no physical trainer.  It is intuitive and takes the form of a personal guide, ever available for consultations.  So if I have loved and lost, it is because that was the way it was meant to be, it is no reflection on my personality or self worth, and it might get critical to remain in my senses while the heartbreak is in process, to cry my relevant tears, and yet retain this ability to analyse, like an observer, far removed from the action and projected into the upper corner of the room.  I must seek out and understand what I have gained from the loss, a unique dichotomy indeed.

Positive attitude and ample courage, will help me overcome.

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Hot Potatoes !

There is this old friend of mine, she is a top class judge of personalities, and an immense source of advice to me every time I need help with people.  Kalpana has been around in my life for years, though she went missing for some years, and her talent for gauging people remains the same till date.  The other day I was looking out of the window and dreaming and a thought came to my mind that maybe there was more to this other friend of mine who keeps messaging me regularly despite my opposition to it.  He has been persistently following me, to the extent that it might be construed as stalking and I  decided to do something about it this time around. After all it can get disconcerting to receive 30 messages from a person within 20 minutes and as anyone of my friends would vouch for, I don't like it.

"So he is bothering you again," Kalpana said with the same nonchalant ease that she sips her hot coffee every morning.  This was normal for her, get people to come over to her for people related advice and she always delivered with aplomb.
"Yes, you know I have known him for so long I can't believe he would act this funny," I said trying to maintain my composure too.
"What did he say."
"That I should meet him."
"And you agreed."
"I didn't," I snapped back, she was direct.
"Drop him like Hot Potatoes."

It takes all to make up this world, and I do sincerely believe that we must keep our friends happy.  So if I decide to go out with a friend it will solely be based upon my discretion, influenced nonetheless by various factors like the environment, my values and friends.  So what are values ?  Values are internalized signs that guide us when we need to take decisions, they represent us and the person we are.  A kid has no values and will do as told by parents or well wishers and in some cases by people who mean harm.  But an adult must have values to take reliably consistent and correct decisions, that is the sign of maturity and foresight.
Hot Chillies ! .. I do like it you know.

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Sequel to ... Renewables Are Not Only Electricity

We all take decisions relating to our life based on the parameters we are subject to, sometimes these parameters may include our Environment, other times it may just be our own Values and other times they include people like our Friends.  When I took up Renewables as a profession it was my values that created the vision, and I do believe Values to be the best source for decision making, I knew what I had achieved for the past few years and what was expected of me, which included a commitment to the green temperament and a liking for things Nature preferred.  My environment played a role as well, there were people willing and offering me jobs in the renewable segment, it wasn't the end of the world but it certainly told me what me that we were close, if we chose to subjugate other living things on the Planet Earth.  To suppress and curb seemed to have been our Motto, and often enough, that is a recipe for disaster, people woke up to the green concept in 1997, however I believe the time line was too late, and had it not been for certain radical steps that set unprecedented standards for the Kyoto Protocol to work by, things would not be where they are in 2013.

Last night, a friend influenced my decision to rework renewables and see them as an individual whole rather than a sum of the parts, very similar to the wave theory of Neil Bohr and the uncertainty principle of Werner Heisenberg. In the past human logic has taken significant steps to break down all domains to understand its functioning, most scientists deal with parts rather than the whole, and to their credit, it is probably easier to think of things as making up a whole.  My friend seemed to think otherwise, according to her, if we cut down a 200 hundred old tree and plant another 10 in return it doesn't undo the damage, and it did seem to make sense, similar mistakes has brought about ozone layer depletion and an onslaught of solar ray diseases like skin cancer.

"So what do I do if Solar isn't the only thing that will bring about a change, I have already experimented with wind and Biomass."
"Think big, the world is thinking about it, just they other day I was at the trade fair and they had high quality recycled paper that out did all that glossy paper could do," she said sipping her first cup of tea of the morning.
"There are already people doing recycling, there might not be too much to do in that area," I ignored the buzz in my head that said that this was a good idea.  I have noticed that it is always a better thing to think of the downside before the actual work begins.

This friend called again this morning, she works for Barclays and is into outsourcing and similar technologies, I have know her since 2010 and yet have of late spoken to her very little after our initial interactions, she seems to be doing well at Barclays.  When she called this morning, she seemed to have a lot on her mind and yet had made the effort to make the call, we chatted a bit and then she got down to why she had called me.  It seems she had been thinking of variety of projects to work on and Barclays had recommended a go green philosophy as part of its work culture and interesting one of the most critical areas they wanted to focus on was recycled paper as a beginning.  Was it mere coincident or something else I wondered, as a matter of fact I don't believe in too much of it, and therefore was immediately on the guard, my senses tuned into this coincident, Barclays recommending work on recycled paper and in fact already enquiring about it for an order, was too much for this realist soul.

I have been a dreamer for most of my life, dreaming up ideas and living them as far as possible, my dreams are for me to live in them, and its tough because the toughest research of a topic goes to complicate life a bit and then some.  Its akin to scientists who begin to work on the frontier of ideas and pay for it as the research wrecks havoc on their lives, both professional and personal, especially personal.  I have worked for a research lab in Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi, the lab belonged to NIIT Limited and I was a full employee of NIIT, during those times I found research invigorating and I am trying to evolve the same culture to my work for Solar.  Till today I had looked at Renewables as a sum of parts, and only today, when this lightening struck me, I realised that it is a wholesome meal, to be cooked and matured over one oven.
One Source, Multiple Heads With Ideas.

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From Chaos to Understanding

My life as the Solar Guy can be frustrating to say the least and lonely too, I have been treading this path for over 4 years now, lost most of my friends along the way, found new people and retrieved a few old ones as well.  I can't believe I have given up my life for this to achieve a way and a mean to live the renewables.  There is this friend of mine, a 25 year old lad who is going through a real bad patch in life right now, a girlfriend left him, his dad had a heart attack and life left him with no friends, at least

all the so called friends left him once he had no money.  The last one years has been torturous for this young one and I felt for him, he had worked with me in the first solar firm I had joined and then moved on to other fields like Advertising and Hospitality.  Three months back he quit his job and sat at home and I lost touch with him.  He stopped calling me and sometimes wouldn't take the calls, I got worried, he is nice person and it was, but natural to feel this way.

This Sunday, I decided I would take a drive down to his location, some 1 1/2 hours drive from where I stay in Delhi and visit him.  Left my house at 9 am, I hadn't done that in a long while on a Sunday, had breakfast at McDonald's in Connaught Place, one of the premier districts in Delhi and then drove down to Rohini where he stays.  I called him while I was half and hour away, he picked up instantly I thanked the lord for that, and told him I was on my way.  He met me midway in Rohini and then took me on a tour of this location, including 3 houses they had had to sell to pay of debts and showed me all the local joints in the area, including a Cafe Coffee Day and a Nirula's in the area.

I have known Sumit for 4 years now, but got to know him really well last winter when he started to work near my place.  The company where he worked for had a two floor basement and he was in the 2nd under ground level.  One day I called him up, and the phone rang but the ring was very distorted.  Sumit picked up the phone after 6 rings.
"Hello Sir !" he said breathless and sounding tired.
"What took you so long to pick up," I said though I was happy he had picked up.  I was in my office and the cold morning was just beginning to pick up.
"Sir, by the looks of it, I will have to join the gym soon," he spoke still breathless.
"Why so ? " I must have sounded puzzled and was so as well.
"I just set a 25 meter sprint record time."
"Hmmmm ... ?" I was even more bewildered.
It came out later that he did a sprint from the 2nd level basement to the ground floor every time I called and he was already thinking of Sprinting as his alternate employment.  I fully endorsed the idea and suggested he would make a very nice stand-up comedian as well.

The other day, I saw his status on Facebook, something that sounded very unlike him, a quiet and depressed message about losing friends, and I knew he had been hit by the same loneliness

that hounds me and unlike me, who welcomes it and embraces it, he knew not what to do.  I understand that when somebody steps in to do something avant garde there is always the fear and the inescapable reality that one would have to tread the lonely path.  The loneliness bites to begin with, when every meeting is a lonely battle, every lead generation a single handed muscle to win and every chapter in the book that I intend to write, is a pen breaker and then with each victory over it, loneliness becomes an ally.  And an ally it is, during those crowded times when people walk into our lives with utter disdain towards our privacy.  Its easy to have self defining roles within an established Organization where other people make decisions on relevant areas at the corporate level.  Think of the Finance giving inputs to Marketing, Marketing to Sales, Logistics to both Finance and Marketing, in all three cases Sales takes inputs from Marketing only and that sets it free to generate leads and fulfil them. I, as a Sales Guy for my self run Company, have to generate my own financial, marketing and sales inputs and then work 2 times maybe 3 times harder to get orders.  This is the dilemma that faces me today.
Solution providers need crisis, crisis need people, and people need each other

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The Magic Wand

I will write a book, I will write a book, I will write a book

Does repeating a phrase three times guarantee that it will happen.  Saw Harry Potter today, it is a fantastic movie, whatever happens from the beginning to the end, there is magic in the air, from the magic wand that his dad bequeaths to him, to the scroll that tells the location of each and every inhabitant of Hogwarts castle in real time, I fell in love with the movie.  I do believe that given time and location there is evidence enough that I will write a book on Solar Energy.  I have been mentioning this to everybody, sharing thoughts and dreams, passion and creativity, in the hope that somebody else believes it, at least half as much as I do.  My life has changed tremendously since I delivered myself from the turmoil of everyday humdrum of monotonous job and life.

So, I had this job that allowed me financial control of my destiny, it paid me to be submissive, say yes sir and curbed my natural instinct.  I became a slave to my own desires and succumbed to the needs of people who saw me as a tool to be used and thrown away when not required.  Then came the first magic moment when I saw myself to be who I am, not too successful and yet very happy when I started to write with a pen in my hand.  It isn't everyday that magic happens in my life but I started to write and like a  wand being swung into my life, it cleared the mysteries surrounding me.  The wand had this magic affect of bringing lightening thoughts into my mind, like memories that surround me even today of yesteryear's.  I laughed my way to a good night sleep when I thought of the times I was asked in a quiz competition,
"It takes 5 minutes to dry up a towel, how many minutes would it take to dry up 5 towels."
I had no answers in my head, so I questioned the quiz master, "5 minutes," implying that I hadn't heard the duration correctly.
"Absolutely correct Maninder," shouted the quiz master, she was ecstatic I had got this one right and I was stumped because I still hadn't figured it out how I was correct.

Somebody actually admired my writings the other day, it seems his son was taking to writing after seeing them.  I was suddenly proud, till I remembered I still have to write this book, write this book, write this book.

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A Touch Of Class

I have been thinking of writing content for days now, been writing it and then giving up on it, my blog posts have been keeping me busy in the meanwhile, though there has been a neglect on the content side.  I finally found a very busy person who was ideal for the job, but it would be no mean feat in convincing her to do the job.  I have seen that the busier the person, the more responsibility he or she is entrusted with.  Its like saying that money begets money, and therefore a busy person would always be more busy.  Spoke to her on the telephone last night and tried to convince her to write, she kept insisting her job took her entire day and that my schedule would be ruined by entrusting her with the responsibility. Will keep on trying.

Entered a classroom for the first time in years today, education is something

that gives me great pleasure, and this was IT training, I am a MCSE and CCNA, but my CCNA certification had expired in November of 2012, I decided I was going to renew it.  The classroom had a modern feel to it, there were chairs and workstations, all with a very contemporary feel to it, the students young guys and girls, the average age group of 22-27, I felt ancient amongst them and yet eager and enthusiastic, it rubs on to me, this liveliness that young people bring to life, the verve to do something and the courage to follow through with dreams.  Reminds me of a student of  mine from the New Delhi School of Management, where I was a trainer for Computer Architecture some years back.  She had everything going for her except a degree and she would stay back after class, ask me questions, questioning my philosophy and thought process.  An immensely talented person, she had evolved her own thought process and would stick to it no matter what.  She would always pop into class 15 minutes late, apologizing as always about the traffic, the pollution, but I knew she had a troubled household and it was impossible for her to reach anywhere on time.  Not to mention that Delhi autos, as even today, are notorious for cheating people
with hyped up distance and fare if you fell asleep while the rogue drove you to your destination.  After the entry, she would seemingly sleep in class, if ever there was a way that somebody could sleep with her eyes open, and yet in the question and answer sessions at the end of class, she asked all the right questions.  While most students would come

to class with nothing in their minds, she had already read the predicted chapters at home, and in the class wanted answers to questions pestering her mind.

There is this friend of mine from going through tough times right now, met up with him in the afternoon, he was looking for ideas to make a name in the solar industry but no money to do it.  He is an installer with immense skills and leads a team of installers.  I suggested the following to him :

1.  Organize your team and give me the names of your team members.
2.  Put up the skill set on my website, use it like a platform to display your skills.
3.  For every order you get through my website pay me a commission.

He liked the idea, in fact even suggested to me that I go ahead and put it up on my website, I suggested he wait for a couple of months, the website is under construction and I will certainly find place for him and his team.
Everything is possible, all that is required is the thought.

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