Thursday, 31 May 2012

Of Kings and Paupers

Why do they want me to go away from your life now ?
After two years of [friendship] why are there people who think it important to interject and say this guy must go.  Ever met people like these who hate you to be happy, content and calm as the summer sea because their own life is all warped.  Happiness is a state of mind - cannot be generated, it is the sum of all your life experiences.  When I was 32, brash bold and outgoing 'read rich, I was happy because people looked up to me and couldn't tell me on my face what they thought of me, they had to like me.  Had made my first million around this time.  And then things turned and turned and kept turning till they had me on my knees.  I could have gone down like all the rest of them but I [chose to fight].  With very little finances 'read money I took to the streets, living the pre-medieval way, out every day and scavenging for food in whatever I had.  As the gods may have it, I still had an aging car, the maruti suzuki zen petrol edition which I could ride.  There was no one who would touch me, they just left me on my own and I was left unhappily wondering and ruminating on where I had gone wrong.  I hated the thought of being [alone].  Hadn't I always had people with me.  Now there was no one.  Fought my mind into doing something, into remembering the skills I had, called a million people on my own, all cold calls trying to get my finances going.  Nothing worked. No one helped.  Forget him, he never existed in our lives, replaced by somebody else who walked the in line. That is what really kills a man - no money, and it is really a different ball game then suddenly balancing no money with your self respect and esteem.  So what would you do ?

I have stolen big time to keep myself alive and not let go of my ego, to not beg and crawl infront of people I hated at that time.  I guess it is ones own decision or rather there is no decision, these are things that god takes care for you, when you have hit the absolute abyss in your life HE tells you what to do.  Thank him for the people you meet who show you the path.  With no one to help you, no life going - there is no right or wrong, only the will to survive and not let your soul down.  " I will not [crawl and beg]".  It took no time for the pretty young things to disappear, in no time all my well wishing relatives were gone.  The realities of life hit you hard and then comes the dampner.  Was it really me who earned all that money ? .. I am a survivor, money has never been top of my priorities.  Give me a budget to manage my life and do just that.  I have seen life like none of my peers or even juniors will ever will, atleast I hope they never will.  Mostly this charade of strength is all fake till you become the fall guy.  I don't want any one amongst my friends and well wishers of today to ever be where I had been for atleast 7 years.  Came out of the desolate swamp of loneliness and desireless living some time back and came out of it like a rocket, with more direction and focus than I have ever had my living life.
"I am OK ......"


Post a Comment