Introduction
I sat in this large office and dreamt of larger than life
responsibilities, “Don’t!” my mind told and I stared out of the window of my
third floor office, it was winter and the morning Sun was just peaking through
the menacing clouds...
My brother, had gone off to Bangalore to become the CEO of a large
company and I was like, “You are the best bro,” and inwardly I was almost green
with jealousy, but then by this time I knew nothing was fair, “I guess I have
nothing to show for the last 10 years I have worked.”
From one non-creative job to another, I had lived a depressing life,
“Maybe it’s hard to say !” said my friends and, whenever I saw a happy family I
would say, “Good for them,” inwardly cursing them, Good Luck, I told myself as I walked into
another interview, these days they come like the splattering of rain drops and
then disappeared in the sub 45 deg summer Sun, “I guess it was more about
employer verification these days,” I told one of my friends in jest.
Then came the summer of 2007 and I was in love, it changes everything
for the better, the guy was a handsome dude, ala’ Robert Pattinson, Silver and
Gold glittered every night, “Dream,” said the lord and I have had mine battered
in time. Better be brave because by 2011
he was ready to leave.
“Stress, here I come,” said
the White Mare, and I just had to be in the middle of the field when she came
bustling out of the coral. “Knock Out,” said the ref and I knew I was going
down this time, no stopping this time, there was nobody to feather the fall, it
took me a couple of years to weather those days, “Glitter like Gold and shine
like Silver,” he had said, and all I could say after 4 years was,
”I still love you,”
Thought’s Of Intervention
The going had been good while it lasted.
His words they were as sweet as honey, he was dropping nuts to a
squirrel and I was lapping them up. He
would walk up to me and say, “Why did you back off?”
“Scared! You drive me crazy.”
“Really ?”
“Look what you have done to me,” my voice had rolled.
“Look what you have done to me,” my voice had rolled.
Work was all around even in those days, but I wasn’t paying much
attention, from one BPO to another, life was scripted like a movie, money was good and the guys they were all handsome,
“I am a Vegetarian,” I told one of these guys and he just stared at me, “So
does that mean you don’t drink ?”
I could feel a laughter riot rising in me, I guess it made good sense to
make alcohol from meat or did he mean something else, I was never too good with
these signs, “Well, he looks handsome enough,” I had laughed it off, “Maybe
I’ll make whisky of his brains.”
Life was good in those days, there was no responsibility, and as we grow
old, we are taught to be cynical and logical, clinical and responsible and I
had grown old pretty fast after 2011.
Suddenly life had loomed large, gloomy and dark, alone and cold, I was
staring out of this other office
The Avaya rang at my workstation, and I
picked it up after three rings, my headphones plugged in and rearing to go, it
was the start of another shift at a banking giant in Noida, it was 11pm, the
night was still young, there was a happy crowd in the cafeteria using their
SODEXO for snacks and cold drinks, I had just finished my first coffee and as
usual I knew that I would last alright till 3am and then the sleepiness would
set in. God knew I was lonely in this
place but the work kept me busy, just then my boss called me to his
workstation, “You aren’t paying attention to your work,” he said sounding like
an Elvis clone, smirking nastily. I had
never liked the guy, hard to keep track and shifty eyes, “I am telling you
everything is going according to your plan and why are you shouting?” I told
him off.
“If the work isn’t finished I will stay late after shift, and what about
my leave, have you approved them, it’s my brother’s wedding,” I had goaded him,
it was 2013 and I had taken enough from all these stuck up guys.
There was ‘Cold Boy’ Robert, who thought he could take me to a one-way
trip to the Moon and then here was my boss acting like the macho jerk he tended
to be when faced with an aggressive woman.
I wasn’t liking this place too much, there had been a credit card scam
when the customers’ Credit Card number, CVV and Secret Questions had been
compromised, Data Secrecy they called it and otherwise too, the people in this
place were unrelenting in their criticism of anybody independent and free thinking.
Just then my desk phone rang, it was my
friend from the Resolution Team, “You got 5 minutes gal?” and I put the
customer call on hold and started to listen.
There was a impromptu party being organised and my presence was being
demanded, I told him I would call him after 11 minutes, that was the AHT for
the team and I put the customer back on line,
“Thank you for your patience, like I was saying, it was my manager
asking if the call’s going OK and you were saying ...... ,” I trailed off,
knowing full well that what I had been taught about “Empathy” was such a farce.
“Yes, I need a duplicate statement issued for my card,” the Brit voice
said
immediately, happy to have me back.
“Your accent, it sounds so familiar, are you from Wales sir,” I asked
knowing fully well that it was only my training talking; I had never been to
Wales.
“That is correct,” he sounded pampered, “and you have a fantastic voice.”
While I started to look over my tools to get a request for new statement,
he continued praising me, “Do you have personal website, a mobile number I can call?”
“Sir, I am not allowed to give you the details, these calls are being
monitored,” I had told him softly. He
sounded interesting and I was tempted to whisper my number on the phone, it was
dangerous but an exciting thought.
“The AHT guys, watch it,” shouted Elvis over the chatter of voices in
the bay and I realised I had been chatting to this guy for over 20
minutes. Touch wood, he was an
interesting guy and while I delayed the process long enough to chat with him
about his life, I told him about my fiasco with my boyfriend and we chatted
about the geography and climate in Wales.
“What’s taking you so long?” Elvis
enquired again.
“The Call,” I replied back.
Red Steam Rising
Early that year, another development took place that had me jittery, Mom
fell ill and I knew it just wouldn’t do to have her unhappy and depressed. Wasn’t it enough that one person in the house
was depressed, my routine changed after that, from a late riser and runner to
work, I started getting up early, listening to the birds early morning, there
was the Bluebird that would visit me every day and then one day the Bluebird
had an argument with the Crow and the Sparrow.
“I have come a long way to see you people,” said the Bluebird.
“We have work to do,” the Sparrow was adamant.
The Crow just nodded its head in agreement, “haan.”
It was a bitter fight and at the end of
it, the sad Bluebird left the place for his flight.
I am not wanted,
Even when I bring you joy,
Even when I bring you joy,
Ooo Ooo, My sweetness,
Where has all my love gone,
Where has all my love gone,
Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, Ooo,
Looking at the Bluebird I
realised that this was me, I hardly had any friends left and whichever one’s I
had were fighting against me those days.
It made me very angry with everyone, especially with Robert, they
all had deserted me just when I needed them and it was within this halo of
anger that I saw what my future held for me.
I had been shouting at everybody for two days and this Thursday, I
checked my mail, there were opening with a lot of Learning and Development
companies. At the BPO, I was still
working in the Fraud Department but whenever I had time, I would open up my
Opera Mini and check for openings, during this time I had also started writing
intensely, it kept me busy and my mind on hold, work was depressing and the
atmosphere at home even more so and writing allowed me a grip on my reality.
The blogs were my space in this world where I scripted my story, those days I wrote to keep myself happy and
it was working, my mind weaved away from the quagmire of despondency, I was
over ‘Cold Boy’ Robert and even Elvis didn’t matter too much. I started to spend at least a couple of hours
on writing, refining my skill set and developing a style, it wasn’t easy but
soon it came naturally to me and in the month of July 2013 alone, I wrote some
76 posts, which averaged more than 2 per day.
It didn’t take me long to figure out what I wanted to do (http://www.knowledgeisgreat.in),
I wanted to go to a media house where
they could teach
“The Media School is a phenomenal school, you going to enjoy second of
your interaction with the schools faculty and you can apply for late 2014.”
I found that very interesting and carried on to the British Council
Delhi office and enquired, I got the course details along with the preferred
university. It was going to be at The Media School at Bournemouth University for the Scriptwriting for Film
and Television BA (Hons) course.
“Breaking Point – The Realisation That Things
Will Change Now,” said my friend.
