So here I was on the 100th day, still here and still waiting, "Damn could this possibly be a weighty problem," for somebody to call, it had been hundred days since I had spoken to her. It was mid October and more than 3 months had gone by since the fight, "didn't somebody say, I am a lover not a fighter," well, I felt like a nobody today. Hundred days and still counting, I somehow had hope, but I knew the call wouldn't happen for a while. I couldn't call, "of course I still had my mobile," but I had been summarily told not to call, I knew if she had said that then she meant it. I was going through the worst phase in my life, "or so I thought," work was there but I wasn't there mentally, there were people all around me but they meant nothing and it was work and then back home, the routine that had been around for 100 days, no diversions to cafes and bistros, just a drive to work and then a drive home.
I had stopped thinking at work, "I was Isaac Asimov's Robot personified," I thought to myself, people who think they know a lot were a complete nuisance to me today. I hadn't spoken about this to anyone,"the robot part of course," why was I a character out of Asimov's book today, they thought I was too lost in my own thoughts. Though there were a number of theories going around, some of which included, a) Going through male menopause, "is that a myth by the way," b) Too much work,"like I was drowning in it," c)trying to cultivate the distant look, "like I wasn't too aloof already," all the theories like balderdash to me, I hadn't spoken openly to anybody in days, except for this girl in the HR department, Raina, she seemed quite open and I spoke to her the first thing in the morning everyday and then before leaving work. We spoke about nothing actually, about lunch and dinners, about likes and dislikes, just general talk and yet it was comforting, "certainly not a nuisance this one."
Interesting, those days I had evolved a theory around how to tell people about what was going on in my life without really mentioning names or incidences, I evolved stories, and passed it on to Raina during our conversations. Small things I missed about "my 100 days girl," like for instance what she liked eating, our favourite eating joint, the friendship and bond, Raina understood some of it, though she kept nodding her head to everything I said, I was sure she thought all that I was saying was me, "obviously since I hadn't taken the name, these days I was more prone to loneliness and my talks with Raina helped ease the pain. Let me describe Raina to you, she was a thin small girl, not frail though, with short shoulder length hair, vivacious, loved to talk and on her first job. I must have sounded like her father, though I get along with the younger generation quite well, but I certainly felt like a father to her, sometimes protective and other times indulgent.
Now when I look back, I tend to wonder whether Raina herself was going through some kind of trauma that she didn't tell me about, I was so lost in my pain, it never occurred to me to ask. I know I should have asked because I had become so self centred on my pain that I didn't see other people in pain, maybe I should have helped the one who had helped me overcome my darkest hour. Then suddenly it was February, the winters were giving way to the warm sunny weather, and my pain dissipated every time I saw Raina's face, "damn I know what you thinking," that here we go from one attachment to another, though this time I realised how much a complete person I am when I am alone, dealing with loneliness would never be a problem again.
You sure can't beat Peer Support.
I had stopped thinking at work, "I was Isaac Asimov's Robot personified," I thought to myself, people who think they know a lot were a complete nuisance to me today. I hadn't spoken about this to anyone,"the robot part of course," why was I a character out of Asimov's book today, they thought I was too lost in my own thoughts. Though there were a number of theories going around, some of which included, a) Going through male menopause, "is that a myth by the way," b) Too much work,"like I was drowning in it," c)trying to cultivate the distant look, "like I wasn't too aloof already," all the theories like balderdash to me, I hadn't spoken openly to anybody in days, except for this girl in the HR department, Raina, she seemed quite open and I spoke to her the first thing in the morning everyday and then before leaving work. We spoke about nothing actually, about lunch and dinners, about likes and dislikes, just general talk and yet it was comforting, "certainly not a nuisance this one."
Interesting, those days I had evolved a theory around how to tell people about what was going on in my life without really mentioning names or incidences, I evolved stories, and passed it on to Raina during our conversations. Small things I missed about "my 100 days girl," like for instance what she liked eating, our favourite eating joint, the friendship and bond, Raina understood some of it, though she kept nodding her head to everything I said, I was sure she thought all that I was saying was me, "obviously since I hadn't taken the name, these days I was more prone to loneliness and my talks with Raina helped ease the pain. Let me describe Raina to you, she was a thin small girl, not frail though, with short shoulder length hair, vivacious, loved to talk and on her first job. I must have sounded like her father, though I get along with the younger generation quite well, but I certainly felt like a father to her, sometimes protective and other times indulgent.
Now when I look back, I tend to wonder whether Raina herself was going through some kind of trauma that she didn't tell me about, I was so lost in my pain, it never occurred to me to ask. I know I should have asked because I had become so self centred on my pain that I didn't see other people in pain, maybe I should have helped the one who had helped me overcome my darkest hour. Then suddenly it was February, the winters were giving way to the warm sunny weather, and my pain dissipated every time I saw Raina's face, "damn I know what you thinking," that here we go from one attachment to another, though this time I realised how much a complete person I am when I am alone, dealing with loneliness would never be a problem again.
You sure can't beat Peer Support.
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