I was thinking as I waited for her at the bus stop, "like the rest them were here just waiting huh ?," we were all lost in our thoughts thinking of stories to tell back home or just thinking of our life of today, some were even talking to strangers to get over the boredom,"and damn that makes us talk," I was just thinking of Anjali as I waited for her. I had met Anjali some months back and liked her, "to like a woman, that was rare nowadays," I hardly met women I liked, she was vivacious and talkative and I had to convince her to believe in what I believed, she wouldn't take my word for it. I on the other hand was married and bored, "aren't we all when we are married," I looked forward to my interactions with her, they relieved my boredom, I was even thinking of getting romantically involved with her, "sex was on my mind."
I was still thinking these pretty thoughts when she walked into sight carrying an umbrella to ward of the rain, she looked smart and beautiful as usual, I loved the sight of her walking, slow walk with all the right moves, she was tall this girl and knew how to carry herself, "she reminded me of the camel," a long distance runner and a fighter to the core. All her life she had fought adversities, "and none better for it," she smiled as she walked up to me. She sat next to me under the awning of the bus stop. It was late and raining and I knew she had something to tell me and as usual she was direct, "I want to get married to you." I sat there stunned,"did I hear this right ?" or were my ears playing tricks, was it the rain, "normally I am a sane person and takes a lot to stun me," she said it again, "I want to get married to you."
"I am dying," were her next words, stunned into silence I didn't know what to say, what did she mean, "married", "dying", what was going on here. "I am dying and I want to marry you before I die," she said forming a fully coherent sentence finally. I looked at her and my tears began to flow, I suddenly realised that the first thing she had said to me didn't mean a thing to me, but the second, "the dying part if you still didn't get it," had me in a watery grave, "analogies be damned," I didn't want her to go anywhere than planet Earth, she had to stay with me, talk to me for the rest of my life, "or so I believed," but obviously life had other ideas, "it didn't like me happy," I hadn't even asked her what she was dying of, "it seemed so inconsequential," the monumental fatalistic statement she had made so matter of fact, seemed to suggest she had thought this one out and I was ready to listen to more.
So if she was dying, would I want to marry her, this life was barely ticking, all thoughts of its endlessness had been dismissed in the first five minutes of our conversation, I was still crying and through the haze of tears, the answer came to me, "this damn procrastinator," had found an answer within five minutes of the conversation. I would marry her, the rest of my life was consigned to "the waiting room," so inconsequential and wasteful that I couldn't think of it as productive. I was stunned out of thoughts, she was shaking my arm, "So will you, do you love me ?"
The feeling of imminent or actual loss is more powerful than one of possession.
I was still thinking these pretty thoughts when she walked into sight carrying an umbrella to ward of the rain, she looked smart and beautiful as usual, I loved the sight of her walking, slow walk with all the right moves, she was tall this girl and knew how to carry herself, "she reminded me of the camel," a long distance runner and a fighter to the core. All her life she had fought adversities, "and none better for it," she smiled as she walked up to me. She sat next to me under the awning of the bus stop. It was late and raining and I knew she had something to tell me and as usual she was direct, "I want to get married to you." I sat there stunned,"did I hear this right ?" or were my ears playing tricks, was it the rain, "normally I am a sane person and takes a lot to stun me," she said it again, "I want to get married to you."
"I am dying," were her next words, stunned into silence I didn't know what to say, what did she mean, "married", "dying", what was going on here. "I am dying and I want to marry you before I die," she said forming a fully coherent sentence finally. I looked at her and my tears began to flow, I suddenly realised that the first thing she had said to me didn't mean a thing to me, but the second, "the dying part if you still didn't get it," had me in a watery grave, "analogies be damned," I didn't want her to go anywhere than planet Earth, she had to stay with me, talk to me for the rest of my life, "or so I believed," but obviously life had other ideas, "it didn't like me happy," I hadn't even asked her what she was dying of, "it seemed so inconsequential," the monumental fatalistic statement she had made so matter of fact, seemed to suggest she had thought this one out and I was ready to listen to more.
So if she was dying, would I want to marry her, this life was barely ticking, all thoughts of its endlessness had been dismissed in the first five minutes of our conversation, I was still crying and through the haze of tears, the answer came to me, "this damn procrastinator," had found an answer within five minutes of the conversation. I would marry her, the rest of my life was consigned to "the waiting room," so inconsequential and wasteful that I couldn't think of it as productive. I was stunned out of thoughts, she was shaking my arm, "So will you, do you love me ?"
The feeling of imminent or actual loss is more powerful than one of possession.
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