Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Soul mates and friends

To have a soul mate is a wish divine, a person so in love with your persona that they would give anything to be you.  It would be a dream come true for many.  Your Soul mate is either present in your world and you have to search for them or they can be tutored to be so for someone.  A marriage of unequals in which the woman can be tutored to be a soul mate is also a natural occurrence in many cultures.  Imagine a world where most marriages are arranged, the man is the dominant personality in the relationship, he controls what she speaks and what she learns, tutors her to be his partner and companion, because he is lonely too.  He becomes her god father and then when she matures emotionally he lets go the reins.  She becomes his perfect companion and confidante and as time goes by they both fall in love with each other.

Modern societies however look down up on marriages of this kind for the simple reason that love should be the basis of all marriages.  When love is the basis of marriage, it blossoms much earlier in the marriage, even though love is a much maligned thing, love is common occurrence between friends, family and lovers.  The premise for any marriage therefore is love and love is the bond of familiarity and likability that connects the world around.   When we fall in love we fall in love with the personality that is on display, in lovers there might be an over eagerness to impress as sex is the appeal.  However marriage is a much stronger bond than sex, it overwhelms us to begin with but matures into a significant relationship, with bonds that are strengthened by love.

In my experience, love is the immediate likability of a person,  and then after that sex is the appeal, this is what can be expected from young love.  Lovers scrounge the streets in search of places where they can talk and converse in peace, to know each other, and to understand each others opinions.  The world is a place where ones morality or lack of it is imposed on the lovers by people who watch them.  It isn't unknown for lovers to drift away because their friends didn't approve.  Once the bond of friendship is strong enough to withstand the gaze of the world,  it serves to build it up even further where they could become soul mates.  Lovers must be friends before anything else.

Love is gender neutral, it is common amongst friends and best friends, it is easy for a male to love another male friend and indulge in possessive behaviour.  The same amount of possessiveness can be expected from a male as in a male-female relationship.  Friendship after all transcends all thoughts, and a male friendship bond can be hard to overwhelm by a female who enters.  The male bond is about camaraderie which the female cannot match.

Sex is a lesser appeal to the mature male as he tries to live his life within the span of his friends and family.  Though not an exception, it is hard to find a friendship bond between a male and female that becomes a soul mate relation unless it is backed up by marriage.  Mostly it is a male to male and female to female kind of soul mates in friendships.

Love that spans generations is the love that we have for our friends, the kind that lives on and on, for centuries as other people visit the same locations and are refreshed by the same thought.

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